But that doesn’t stop this comedy bit from being utterly hilarious and spot-on.
Author: Karel Kerezman
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You Do Not Fit
We’ve all long known that I don’t “fit in,” metaphorically speaking. I’m not into the usual things guys are into… not sports, or cars, or hunting, or what-have- you. I don’t slot neatly into the Red State / Blue State spectrum. George Lucas didn’t “ruin my childhood” by making a trio of crappy movies. I shoot a webcomic based on my rubber duck collection, for pity’s sake. That’s fine, since I don’t really want to be like most of the rest of humanity. Maybe I’m a snob, but I just don’t “get it,” all of the identifying with brands that people seem to do. What I would like, however, are pants that fit.
Supposedly I’m just barely under average height, 5’8″ tall. Too bad that doesn’t translate into a wide availability of pants. Everything’s got a 30-inch inseam or longer. Even when I find a “short” 30, or an actual 29, I have to wonder what the hell kind of body shape the pants were built for. There’s weird bunching going on that mystifies me. Or, to put it another way: Why in hell does it look like I’m smuggling a small animal in the front of my trousers?
(Yes, yes, go ahead and crack wise. I gave you a straight line, I’d be disappointed if you chose not to use it as you see fit.)
What I usually end up with are pants that are too wide and too long and bunch up funny, because the alternative is… what? A kilt? I don’t see my boss approving that as proper work attire, for starters.
Were I rich, I’d just have everything custom made. Since that’s never happening… I just have to live with the fact that, like in every other part of my life, I’m the odd man out when it comes to buying clothes.
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Where does all of that money go?
You know, you’d think that Microsoft could afford proofreaders for their EULA boilerplate text. But…
Sloppy, guys. Very sloppy.
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Arbitrary Demarcations
Let’s face it: Reality, should we choose to anthropomorphize the cosmos for the sake of argument, doesn’t give a damn about when we say a new day begins, or a new month, or a new year.
I ended 2010 with a wearying, annoying head cold. I started 2011 with a wearying, annoying head cold. At no point anywhere near midnight of December 31st did the universe change so that the new year would be better or worse than what came before.
This may seem blindingly obvious to you. I, however, spent the first half of my life (give or take) looking for signs, meaning in the meaningless, pointers from a higher power. That sort of thing. Even now, I approach the end of four decades on this planet and it’s still all too easy for me to get caught up in wrong-headed nonsense.
Still and all, I hope 2011 goes well. We could all stand a bit of improved circumstances, couldn’t we?
And I really wish that this stupid cold would go away.
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Bookending December
Wow. I haven’t posted since December 1.
That pretty much sums up my year, here, doesn’t it? I most certainly did not start posting more often in 2010 like I originally intended. I didn’t make more stories, I didn’t chronicle my journey through the year, I didn’t do much of anything.
Gotta do something about that.
Also, the anime forum pretty much shriveled up and died. I tried to carry the whole thing myself for a while, but it’s one thing to talk to yourself on a journal site, something else entirely to shout into the echo chamber of an empty multi-user forum. Sigh.
On the other hand, I cranked out another massive slew of webcomics without missing a scheduled update.. I’m rather pleased about that. And let’s not get into how many posts I made to Twitter. Again.
My goals for the year, Internet-wise: Get this site back up in the priority chain. Redesign & improve Quacked Panes. Gripe less, snark more. Keep building relationships with other webcomic-y types like the nifty folks behind Marlowe and Tree Lobsters. Improve my writing skills by actually writing more.
Let’s meet again a year from now and see how well I performed, shall we?
I hope for a 2011 filled with love, laughter, shiny toys, tasty treats, and prosperity for you all. Thank you.
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Christmas-y Things
First off, I would like to direct you over to that webcomic of mine for this year’s holiday event: The Quackvent Calendar 2010. (Last year the ducks presented The Twelve Days Of Christmas in their own off-kilter fashion. This year I decided that coming up with a second new set of lyrics was completely out of the question.)
On a wholly different note, may I just say that I cannot take all of this manufactured-hype “Cyber Monday” and “Cyber Wednesday” (Really guys? Really?) shopping stuff seriously. Why? Because once upon a time, I was a young man on the Internet.
Think about it.