It’s been a rough few years.

I know: Just look at the abysmal rate at which I’ve been posting.

Losing the Entercom job hit me really damned hard; I never recovered from that, even most of six years later. It’s more than that, though. Now my day-to-day existence is just getting through the day. Each day is planned out: Mondays, I do this. Tuesdays, I do that. A minimum of 12 hours per 24 on weekdays revolves around getting ready for, going to, being at and going home from work. And at the end of the money, there’s a lot of month left.

On a side note: Once-per-month paychecks are a pain in the ass.

On another side note: Not once getting a cost-of-living increase in over five years really sucks in this economy. (Yes, yes, I have a job, shut up. I know.)

It’s not all bad, mind you. My romantic relationships are stable, even joyful. The kids are awesome. (Like that’s new.) I am gainfully employed, I have enough to pay the bills, etc. Could be worse.

But. I’m not where I wanted to be, financially or otherwise, by this point. I turn 40 in a few weeks and many of the things I thought I’d have accomplished by now are so far out of reach they might as well be on the planet Mars. And from the look of things, nothing good is coming down the pipe for a long while yet… and more unpleasantness is headed my direction even as I compose this posting. (Knowing the type but not the exact scale of this oncoming unpleasantness does not help.)

I don’t even know what I’m “good” at anymore, except occasionally I can make some people laugh. Other than that? No idea. My current job has taught me that no, I’m not really that good at the computer stuff. So… what is it? What do I bring to the table? If I wanted another job, how would I convince anyone to hire me?

Yeah, right.

Most days I don’t feel strong enough, smart enough, or good enough. But, I muddle through. People are counting on me. So I’ll keep at it.