Category: Quotes

  • Blogging As Punk

    Via that canny state-of-the-blogosphere watcher Snappy the Clam, a rant you simply must read if you maintain a website that could fall under the category of “blog.”

    It was, for a while, as if we were all fans of the punk, you see, together out there on the floor, drenched in sweat, pogoing, hurling beer cans, singing along, not really caring which band was up on the stage, just loving the hum and the throb and the tribal feeling of it all. Now it feels as if many of us have become fans of various specific bands, or have started our own and are struggling to gather our own crowds, or have decided to just keep it in the garage where it belongs, and damn having an audience. We don’t have time to go to each others’ gigs anymore. When everyone is in a band, there’s no one left to watch the shows.

    That almost inevitably leads to irrelevance, though. Survey says. You sell yourself to the record company to try and get a distribution deal, you start to watch what you say, you suck up to the Big Boys, and try to be seen in the right places with the right powder dusting your nostrils. You lose the holy fire, you start thinking in terms of ‘product’, you tell yourself you’re going to ‘change it from the inside,’ but you’re part of the machine now, and it’s too late for you.

    It’s some gonzo writing, mate. Never Mind The Bollocks, Here’s The Wonderchicken

  • How’s your hair? Fine!

    I was in the shower the other morning and for the first time in the years I’ve been using the stuff decided to actually read the instructions on my bottle of Senscience shampoo.

    Now, most of the instructions are fairly normal, but one of the things they want me to do seems… odd. Let me show you. (My commentary is parenthetical.)

    DIRECTIONS: Wet hair thoroughly. (Okay, I’m with you so far.) Apply shampoo. (To the hair, I assume?) Lather well and rinse. (Gotcha.) Repeat if necessary. (It never has been, but I’ll keep that in mind.) Available exclusively at fine salons. (You said WHAT? You want me to get out of the shower right now, head to my nearest “fine salon” and buy a bottle of something I already have? Dripping wet naked? Are you people insane?)

    See what I mean?

    For the record, that last instruction is clearly before the paragraph break, and it shows up at the end of each language’s set of instructions. “Exclusif aux meilleurs salons,” and also “De venta exclusivamente en finos salones de belleza.” I am not making this up, as Dave Barry is wont to say. Bizarre, I tell you.

  • The mighty punster, Alex Fudd

    So we were doing the bedtime ritual for the kids, a bit late I admit but nevermind that. During the prayer the bunnies started scrambling around in their cage. Afterward I looked over at them and asked, “What did you do that for, you silly bunnies?”

    And a young voice says,

    “Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I’m scolding wabbits.”

    Yep. That’s my boy. Only eleven years old and already he’s a funnier jokester than I am. Could I be prouder?

    Nope. I sorta doubt it.

  • It’s so ME!

    Last week’s Onion horoscope for Pisces, quoted here before I lose it forever to a new AvantGo sync on my palm/phone:

    Pisces — You’ve always had trouble controlling your base impulses, but they do lead you to have fun and experience cool things.

    Nuff said, eh?

  • Gator IS Spyware

    So it’s not as though I really need to point out or drive traffic to the little-known website called Slashdot, but every now and then I just can’t help myself. Take this thread, for instance:

    Gator Forces Site To Remove ‘Spyware’ Label

    There’s a lot of good vitriol in there, but this tidbit really caught my eye as a piece of above-and-beyond humor:

    Dear Gator,

    Gator is Spyware, you f***ers. Spyware. Spyware. Spyware.

    Please send me a nastygram. My career is stalled, and I could really use the publicity.

    Love,

    Wil Wheaton
    Linux weenie who doesn’t even use your crappy SPYware.

    PS- It’s spyware.

    He’s right, you know. Gator is spyware. The best removal tool for all such malware is Spybot Search & Destroy, just so you know.

    That, or don’t run Windows. *smirk*

    (Yes, Mari, I linked to Wil Wheaton. Yes, this is one of the signs of the forthcoming Apocalypse.)

  • How true, oh how true.

    Pisceans tend to get the shaft when the fine folks at The Onion throw together their weekly horoscopes. This week, however, I couldn’t be more amused by my fortune:

    You’re not the kind of man who can limit himself to just one woman bringing him pancakes.

    To be honest, I suppose I should point out that I prefer french toast…