Category: Quotes

  • More stuff that makes you think twice.

    And in case you were considering taking on writing as an occupation, perhaps you should think it through carefully:

    Publishing is a business. Say that out loud. Even the chief commissioning editor at a publisher is unlikely to be able to run to you with a contract wriggling excitedly in her hands on her say so alone. The question asked of manuscripts in publishing houses the world over is not, ‘Is this good?’ but, ‘Will this sell?’ I’m not saying you should ‘write to be commercial’. Quite apart from the fact that I’d rather not write at all than write stuff I didn’t like just because I thought it’d be popular (and so should you – or why write in the first place? If you’re not doing it for the love of the thing itself, then you’d be better off getting far more money and far less grief working in conveyancing instead), it’s almost certainly doomed to look like nothing but terribly-forced tosh written because the author thought it’d be commercial.

    […]

    The Internet. Writing for the Internet is entirely different to writing a novel. Also, anything decent you put on the Net will get stolen. Fact. So, if you think you can do a Webpage that will give you some kind of profile, fair enough; but regard it in the same way as you would running naked across the White House lawn as a way of getting publishers to take notice of you. Putting your novel online in the hope that someone will pick it up is doomed for so many reasons that it would wear out my knuckles to sit here typing them all.

    […]

    Don’t introduce eighteen characters and twelve vital plot points in the first twenty pages. Yes, spy and fantasy authors, I’m looking at you. Readers can retain only about four characters and two or three ‘things’ in their heads until they’ve really had a chance to get into the book. Bombard them with more than that and they don’t simply forget the rest: they mentally collapse due to information overload and lose track of everything.

    There’s more, but only if you’re serious about it. Or just want a good laugh, because most of it is moderately funny while also being insightful and informative. (Sheesh, I’m describing the document in terms of Slashdot comment moderation. Somebody shoot me now.)

    So, who’s (still) up for NaNoWriMo, eh? Bwahahahaha…

    Mil Millington on Writing

  • And I thought he was just a greedy but ineffective dolt.

    From, of all things, a Rolling Stone article on Dick Cheney that paints him as a sort of political bad-luck charm:

    In 1973, while Nixon was self-destructing, Cheney, then thirty-two, got a job at the investment firm of Bradley, Woods and Company. “Dick needed to make some money,” Bruce Bradley explained. “He and Lynne and their girls lived in a modest house, and he drove a used Volkswagen Beetle.” Both Bradley and Cheney were Republicans, but they differed on Watergate. Bradley recognized that Nixon had violated fundamental American values; Cheney saw Watergate as a power struggle. They even debated each other, in a forum arranged for Bradley’s clients.

    “He claimed it was just a political ploy by the president’s enemies,” says Bradley. “Cheney saw politics as a game where you never stop pushing. He said the presidency was like one of those giant medicine balls. If you get ahold of it, what you do is, you keep pushing that ball and you never let the other team push back.”

    And there you have it, folks. Who needs the spirit of compromise that typified the actions of our Founding Fathers when you can instead play a zero-sum game of greed for power?

    Can we please get people like this out of our White House, now?

  • Quoth the Cat…

    I’m going to quote one of the few Garfield comic strips I can still remember:

    Labor Day, shmabor day,
    what a dumb day
    to hire some jerk
    then send him away
    to celebrate work
    by playing all day

    Playing all day? Sounds good. Especially since the 48 hours immediately after I arrive back at work are going to be very un-fun… Le sigh.

    Have a good weekend, all.

  • We are the Knights who say… PING!

    Found over at Tech Support Comedy, this lovely bit of geeky homage:

    Knights of Ping: Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!
    Arthur: Who are you?
    Knight of Ping: We are the Knights who say….. “Ping”!
    Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say “Ping”!
    Knight of Ping: The same.
    Other Knight of Ping: Who are we?
    Knight of Ping: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Lart, Ping, and Staar-fish!
    Other Knight of Ping: Star-fish!
    Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who cross them seldom live to tell the tale!
    Knight of Ping: The Knights who say “Ping” demand….. a sacrifice!
    Arthur: Knights of Ping, we are but simple lusers who seek the porn site who lives beyond this modem.
    Knights of Ping: Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!
    Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No!
    Knight of Ping: We shall perform a LART on you… if you do not appease us.
    Arthur: Well what is it you want?
    Knight of Ping: We want….. (pregnant pause) CAFFEINE! (minor music)
    Arthur: WHAT?
    Knights of Ping: Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!
    Arthur: No! No! Please, please, no more! We will find you caffeine!
    Knight of Ping: You must return here with caffeine… or else you will never get thru this call… alive.
    Arthur: O Knights of Ping, you are just and fair, and we will return with a caffeine.
    Knight of Ping: One that has sugar.
    Arthur: Of course!
    Knight of Ping: And is very expensive.
    Arthur: Yes!
    Knight of Ping: Noowwwww…. GO!

    The original posting, with snarky commentary and linkage (did you know there’s an Eric Idle musical hitting stages soon, called “Spamalot”? and that Tim Curry’s taking the Graham Chapman slot in the cast?) is linked forthwith.

    TSC: Knights of Ping?

  • Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies

    In the midst of a useful guide to building a Leap Attack Barbarian, this bit of text appears:

    Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies doesn’t have anything to do with Diablo II, but I think that someone should make a movie called Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies, because if there ever was a movie called Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies, I would see that crap like 400 times and I would totally dig it, and also I think that several chicks would dig it, and then I would take them to see Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies like every single night for years and be all like, “Hey ladies, what’s goin’ on?”

    Aw Hell yeah.

    Okay, so a Leap Attack Barbarian may not sound like the most-fun-ever way to play Diablo II… but the guide’s certainly clever enough. Oh, and don’t forget:

    Finally, perhaps most importantly, and I want you to LISTEN to me here:

    Stop saying n00b.

    Truer words, my friend, were never electronically displayed…

    The Flying Booyaka

  • Prius: With built-in driving hazard!

    Matt of debris.com fame took a rental Toyota Prius out for a spin, and wrote up a fairly detailed review. This bit about the dashboard display gave me a chuckle:

    This screen is fascinating. It’s a driving hazard, there’s no question. New Prius owners should have someone else drive them around until the urge to stare at the screen can be managed.

    Anyway, read the whole entry, won’t you?

    (Dude. He’s clocked over 1000 entries. I’m only… er… a bit less than a hundred behind him. Hmm.)

    2004 Toyota Prius review