greyduck.net

Looking For Quacks In The Pavement

Category: Quotes

  • Command them to be well.

    Found at Slate:

    One is presuming (is one not?) that this is the same god who actually created the audience he was addressing. This leaves us with the insoluble mystery of why he would have molded (“in his own image,” yet) a covetous, murderous, disrespectful, lying, and adulterous species. Create them sick, and then command them to be well? What a mad despot this is, and how fortunate we are that he exists only in the minds of his worshippers.

    The full article is interesting reading, though not the sort of thing you can take without a grain or two of salt. For instance, the author uses the word “religion” when he means “Christianity and its cousins” in the last paragraph:

    Too many editorialists have described the recent flap as a silly confrontation with exhibitionist fundamentalism, when the true problem is our failure to recognize that religion is not just incongruent with morality but in essential ways incompatible with it.

    (via blargblog, by the creator of In Contempt Comics)

  • Party Of One?

    Found at Wired News (article linked below) by way of the Pool, the following phrase:

    “It’s like an every-four-hour fiesta for your naughty bits.”

    How’s that for a mental image, eh?
    Wired News: Luxury Loo

  • A spot of old anime humor.

    Since this will be my final “substantive” post for the ‘thon, I figure it should be funny. And so, for your amusement, straight from the email archives, it’s…

    50 Things I Learned About Life From Watching Anime:

    1. War sucks.
    2. You CAN have too many women.
    3. Smart people wear glasses.
    4. Music foreshadows plot.
    5. The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you’ll get.
    6. (Inversely, the harder you try, the less you’ll get.)
    7. When you die, make a long speech, and don’t finish the last sentence.
    8. Snow means love.
    9. The best teams come in fives.
    10. In space, you can hear everything.
    11. There’s always room for flashbacks!
    12. When in China, listen to your tour guide.
    13. The good guy always has the BLUE glow.
    14. Speak quietly, pilot a big mech.
    15. Believe in goddesses.
    16. Teachers have excellent aim with small objects.
    17. Vengeance with a mallet is the sweetest revenge of all.
    18. Honor is sexy; villainy is irresistible.
    19. Women are attracted to losers; men are attracted to, well, ANYTHING.
    20. The coolest weapon is still the sword.
    21. The hero is never really mad until they hurt his girlfriend.
    22. Female androids are sexy; male androids are….male androids.
    23. The green-haired alien girl will always betray her people for the man she loves.
    24. School uniforms are cool only when the collar is open.
    25. A show without sexual tension isn’t worth watching.
    26. Love knows no race, species, or logic.
    27. If it’s homemade but tastes bad, grin and bury it (discreetly).
    28. Never trust a huge corporation.
    29. Romance never comes simpler than in a triangle.
    30. Never fall for the girl who names her mech with a French name.
    31. Never fall in love with a psychic.
    32. You can never have too much hair.
    33. Sweating is a sure sign of stress.
    34. Daydreaming leads to accidents.
    35. Everyone wants to conquer Japan.
    36. The cute, fuzzy creature isn’t what it seems.
    37. Cherry blossoms mean nostalgia.
    38. Always take gravity into account.
    39. Settings and faces are self-generating.
    40. Losing your temper can be therapeutic.
    41. There’s nothing sexier than high heels on a mech.
    42. You can never have too many subplots.
    43. If she sings, she’s doomed.
    44. You always remember the sad endings.
    45. Double suicide is romantic.
    46. Outrageous vehicles only make the hero cooler.
    47. Nothing delays romance like unruly neighbors.
    48. Fancy ice cream is for girls only.
    49. The most virtuous character will die.
    50. Hot water has innumerable benefits.

    See you in half an hour for the grand finale!

  • Quoth the Homer, “D’oh Nevermore!”

    Found there, this:

    NEVER TO RISE AGAIN

    Please join with the thousands of people remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was never considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even still he was a crusty old fellow, and was considered a roll model for millions.

    Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Buttersworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Towards the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he had reached his expiration date. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough,two children John and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

    Ah, the things you find going through your referrer listings…

  • The Tao Of GreyDuck

    I could tell you about the outrageous shopping trip with Lil’ and Anxiety during which much snacky goodness was purchased in between snarky phone calls to Mari for ice cream advice.

    But I won’t.

    I could tell you about the delightful evening spent in the company of the aforementioned Mari, her eerie Irish doppleganger Lyse, and the always-alluring Lilith.

    But I won’t.

    I could tell you about the searing, mind-numbing emotional depression and angry outbursts I suffered this morning, likely spawned by too many weeks spent under too many kinds of intense stress.

    But I won’t.

    I could tell you about how my friends, among whose number I count the aforementioned ladies as well as Wendi and her friend Amy, collectively brought me back to something resembling normalcy through the simple expedient of being caring and supportive.

    But I won’t, which shouldn’t be regarded as a lack of gratitude.

    I was sitting at my new desk, pondering all of the above and thinking about a journal entry, when I noticed that among the books unearthed during the mini-move on Saturday is my copy of “The Way Of Life,” better known as Lao Tzu’s Tao Teh Ching. Using my old favorite technique from Richard Bach’s “Illusions,” I flipped open to a random page and started reading.

    21
    The surest test if a man be sane
    
Is if he accepts life whole, as it is,
    
Without needing by measure or touch to understand
    
The measureless untouchable source
    
Of its images,
    
The measureless untouchable source
    
Of its substances,
    
The source which, while it appears dark emptiness,
    
Brims with a quick force
    
Farthest away
    
And yet nearest at hand
    
From oldest time unto this day,
    
Charging its images with origin:
    
What more need I know of the origin
    
Than this?

    I leave the meaning of this as an exercise for the reader. Me, I just wanted to share a bit of something I don’t show very often: My soft spot for philosophical mumbo-jumbo.

    Please have a pleasant evening. Relax. Be well.

  • Or, in other words, astrology is kinda goofy

    A bit of a rant about astrology (as well as religion) from James Randi…

    It was not only the specific, simplistic, error of a geocentric universe that brought about the notion of astrology, but the conviction that our species was so special that the universe was created and designed solely for its benefit. In other words, astrology was the result of those religious aberrations from which many of our fellow passengers on Earth, still suffer. Why would the stars ó both fixed and wandering ó exist at all, if not for the use and appreciation of our species? After all, all other life-forms were created for our use, either as food or slaves or to clothe us, and our only obligation is to continuously cajole and fawn over this petulant Creator God, who might remind us of a selfish, capricious, child, but who is capable of visiting pain, disease, and despair upon us at a whim ó and frequently does so if we try to really apply thought to the situation. Thus, the possibility that this juvenile despot might have laid out some secrets in the patterns of the night sky, could not be ignored, because in admiring and surrendering to its glory, brownie points might be available…

    And yes, I posted today. Make of that what you will. (Mainly I just didn’t want to forget to post this lovely bit of quotage later. Mystery solved. Oh well.)

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