Okay, so that last entry was dark and unhappy and angry and so on. I got it out of my system, so I feel better now. We still have big problems to fix, but presumably we’ll get through them.

So, how to convince my loyal readers that I haven’t flipped what passes for my lid? How about a search-query roundup? Yeah, I haven’t done one of those in a while!

• I don’t know why my website gets so many cheerleader-related searches. “cheerleading quotes”, 16 instances so far. “cute quotes for cheerleaders” showed up recently, as did “celina cheerleading.” Hey, I’ll cheer for Celina any time…
  
• By virtue of having linked to it, I too now take search hits for the latest Internet sensation, The Lord of the Peeps.
  
• It’s no surprise that some of our fellow netizens are typical HNGs, but why am I taking so many search hits on “aeka naked” and “ryoko naked”? I just hope that whoever was searching for “ryoko and kagato” didn’t find what they were looking for. I mean, that’s almost gotta be a fanfic somewhere, right? Bleah. And don’t get me started on “ryoko father”. Speaking of ill-wishes, I hope that one cannot “download sailor sex text game”.
  
• What the hell is up with the “ascii” searches? Is ASCII-art enjoying a Renaissance or something? Let’s see: “ascii powerpuff”, “ascii johnny bravo”, “ascii bowl of chicken soup” (?!?), “ascii cool things” (gee, be a little more specific will ya?), “ascii moon”, “ascii badass” and “ascii schmuck”. And that’s just from the most recent week’s logfile, folks.
  
• In the Further Fun With Naughtiness category we have things like “spanked at home” and the verbose “how to convince your girl friend that she should be spanked”.
  
• Probably because I’m a sucker for surveys, or at least used to be, I get searches like “fun surveys to ask friends” and “fun surveys that i can forward to my friends” (that person later searches for ‘how to win back the friends I pissed off by forwarding too many surveys’, right?)
  
• I’m a low-key gamer geek, but I’m not sure how people found me via these queries: “quake arena wav frag left”, “epic megagame keen” (oh, the hours I wasted playing Commander Keen!), and “where can i play minigolf on the net”.
  
• I like games, but I love anime. Most of these queries don’t surprise me that much: “cowboy bebop audio files” (CB music is the best, bar none), “pixie misa” (who I share a birthday with), “sailor moon music to hear on the net” (I recommend Sailormusic.net), “ghibli museum in japan” (I wanna go I wanna go I wanna go), “armitage iii dual matrix” (sucked ass), and “tenchi muyo mpeg animemusicvideos” (made a couple, yes).
  
• In the potpourri department, we have “super fuzz movie” (I remember watching that when I was a kid), “clever thoughts” (not gonna find those here, pal), “windows media encoder and steaming” (didn’t you mean “streaming”?), “hate reading quotes” (so you must not have enjoyed landing on this website, huh?), “accidents horrible unusual” (oooookay…), “mwaah”, (I used that a lot when writing) “thumbnail theater”, “bridal fashion mpeg”, “pegasus bedroom wallpaper” (I don’t want to know), “what is a website tagline” (if you have to ask, I don’t think it can be explained to you), “organic webshooters” (I hope they liked my Spider-Man movie review), “cartoon violence” (I’m all for it) and last but not least… “find me a fun website now, dammit”. Geez, pal, what am I? Your personal servant? Find your own damned fun website. Oh yeah, and the bozo who’s looking for how to “send other peoples email to yourself” can go directly to hell, thanks.
  
• I’ll conclude this overlong wrap-up with the Duck category, including “sinister duck song” (?), “duck sex” (double ?? with whipped topping), “duck diapers” (um, no), “duck quotes” (this website’s chock full of those, at least), “duck duck grey duck”, “cutie duck” (you’ve got the wrong duck, ma’am), “old duck cartoon” (would that be Daffy or Donald?) and finally “duck geek”, which I’m afraid I resemble all too closely.
  

There, all sweetness and light again. See? All better. (Denial? What’s that?)

Well, I won’t be able to “write anywhere” in November like I’d planned. My *cough* wonderful *cough* Dell Inspiron 3800 seems to have given up the proverbial ghost. Oh, it can boot and run programs… very, very slowly. Don’t ask it to read from the CD-ROM drive. Don’t expect it to talk to any other machine over the network. Hmm, doesn’t that render the laptop completely useless? Why yes, it does.

Plan B is to chase everyone out of the computer room during Writing Time so I can use the big happy Internet-enabled machine to write and upload. I was hoping not to have to alienate my family during NaNoWriMo, but you can’t win ’em all.

With just a bit more than three hours to go, having to change the entire game plan does not a happy duckling make.