So I was chatting this afternoon with someone who mentioned that in a particular movie they’d seen very recently, one of the lead characters used the butt end of a bladed weapon to hit his opponent. I was instantly reminded of one more bit of pain from my new least-favorite movie. (See two entries down, if you’re new here.)

At what point did swords become blunt instruments? When you give someone a sword and place them in harm’s way, surrounded by armed opponents who are (presumably) trying to kill the aforementioned someone… why does that someone not use the dangerous part of the weapon against those opponents? I’ve lost track of how many times a supposedly-intelligent hero grabs a sword, bangs it against the other guy’s sword a few times and then proceeds to either kick, punch or bludgeon the other guy, often with the pommel of his sword. I’m not impressed.

At first we only saw this sort of thing in TV shows of the “Saturday Afternoon Special” variety. You know, Hercules and Beastmaster and, oh, a bunch of other craptacular shows whose names escape me. Apparently it’s catching on in moviemaking, though, a trend that only fills me with dread as political correctness wins out over anything resembling suspension of disbelief.

Please don’t give me any nonsense about reducing the level of violence for the sake of the younger viewers, either. All you’re teaching the kiddies is that swords are perfectly safe and can’t hurt anybody. Oh, and that heroes are phenomenally stupid gits who carry the day with sheer luck and a sprinkling of charm. If you want to protect the children from violence, make sure they don’t watch violent shows. It’s a radical notion, to be sure.

I’m not asking for blood and guts. I would, however, like at least the illusion that enemies are being dispatched through something resembling sensible use of the weapons at hand. Perhaps I’m expecting too much of my mindless fantasy entertainment…

As much as I may have joked about Google-baiting in a comment on another website, I’m not really here to engage in a round of riffing on bunches of search queries that got people here from elsewhere.

I’m just going to make fun of one:

free sailor jupiter oral sex

It’s a standout, wouldn’t you agree? The mind boggles. What’s the poor, benighted, undoubtedly undersexed otaku thinking who punched that into a search engine? The obvious answer would be that he thinks a) Sailor Jupiter really exists, b) that she likes to give hummers, and c) that she’ll do it for free if he asks nicely enough.

There are other possibilities, I suppose. Say that he mistakenly entered two queries at once. Mind you, I wasn’t aware that Mako-chan was in prison, but if so then she should definitely be freed. Right? The oral sex is something of a bonus at that point. (But when is it not, eh? *snicker*)

Perhaps there’s no Sailor Moon content involved. Maybe, ah, it’s something to do with naval personnel? Is there a ship named Jupiter in the fleet?

And that concludes today’s episode of Search Query Fun-Time. Have a great evening, and please… Google responsibly. Remember, friends don’t let friends websurf under the influence.