I’ve ranted about the Quantum Snap! Server NAS appliance before, with a certain regularity given its tendency to vapor-lock once per month. It happened again today, but this time with a twist. Shortly after the final rebuild and the return of logged-in users, it crashed again.

But wait, there’s more! As I fumed about the utterly incomprehensible behaviour of the machine, what should appear in my office email but this:

Special Offer on 960GB Snap Server 12000!

Dear Karel,

As our way of thanking you for being a loyal Snap ServerÆ customer, we would like to extend you a special offer. Purchase a 960GB Snap Server 12000 between now and May 30, 2003 for only $8,499 – a $3,500 savings over MSRP!* At less than a penny per megabyte, use a Snap Server 12000 to solve common storage problems.

960GB Snap Server 12000

Now Only $8,499! You Save $3,500!

What incredible timing! It’s as if they knew I really needed a replacement unit! Here, therefore, is my joyful reply:

Dear Quantum, or Snap Appliance, or whoever you are now,

Your sales missive could not have arrived at a more appropriate time.

If your “Snap Appliance” product hadn’t crashed on us twice in a row today, I might think about spending almost five figures to get an even bigger, better version. Sadly, the Snap! 4100 we bought almost a year ago decided that crashing mysteriously once per month isn’t enough and has graduated to higher levels of mayhem.

Yes, I’ve spoken to tech support almost every time this happened. They don’t know what to make of it either. They offered to send a replacement, but there weren’t any in stock last month. Gee, what a shame. Sucks to be us, hey?

Tell you what. Send me one of these $13k beasties ‘gratis’ and I’ll think about not badmouthing you to every peer and colleague I know. (Did I mention I work in the broadcast industry?) I’ll be sitting here watching my drive array rebuild again, holding my breath. You betcha. Do the words “you’ve lost my business, stop trying to get more” mean anything to you?

Good luck, I get the feeling you’re going to need it. Consider this my idea of an “unsubscribe” message.

I believe this is an exception to the adage about composing email while angry. What do you think?

As of noon today, Rosie 105 is no longer Rosey 105 but instead 105.1 The Buzz. (“Same station, new name!”) This poorly-kept secret was revealed in an all-staff meeting this morning. Among the highlights:

• We saw the graph of how many more members are currently in the online (email) database than there were in 1998 when the station launched. Yes, the leap from “almost nothing” to “a whole lot” is really impressive when you’re only showing the beginning and end of the data.
  
• We got to hear every available sweeper and liner in one glorious montage. Overheard muttering included, “Yes, we’ve all heard sweepers before. Get on with it!” Afterward one clever wag asked, “So that’s one promo then?”
  
• Shortly after hearing Rosey’s… er, The Buzz’s morning show touted as Portland’s funniest, at the end of the presentation Daria O’Neil (of KNRK’s morning show) asked the General Manager, “So I hear that Rosie O’Donnell keeps bees… do you have any comment?” She got big laughs, and a hearty “I have no comment!” from the GM.
  
• Nelson insisted Terry (Boyd) pay up the eight dollars after being assured that he still had a job after the name change. He got big laughs, but no eight dollars. (Radio humor can be obscure at times, I admit. Suffice to say that name changes traditionally mean wholesale carnage among the air staff…)

And then life went on as usual. I’ll tell you more about my working day in a little while…