Sarah seems to have struck gold with another spiffy one…

1) My uncle once: dislocated my shoulder by energetically swinging me around. I went days without using my arm, until Mom finally noticed and asked me why I wasn’t using it. Suffer in silence much? Nah…
2) Never in my life: have I sought happiness through recreational chemicals.
3) When I was five: I told my mother that I was to be called “Carl” from that point on, because the real pronunciation of my name sounded too much to me like a girl’s name. It kind of still does, actually.
4) High school was: moderately unpleasant, but for most of one year and part of another.
5) Fire is: the best way to cook meat.
6) I once saw: ash blanketing the small town I lived in.
7) There’s this woman I know who: is hopelessly addicted to Neopets.
8) Once, at a bar: I was thrown out because my state ID card had expired two years previously.
9) By noon I’m usually: wondering if it’s time to go home yet.
10) Last night: I was a good boy and resisted several urges to spend money.
11) If I only had: told that girl I went to school with how I really felt.
12) Next time I go to church: will be too soon, however far off it may be.
13) The best thing about my last relationship was: more than just one thing. And even then, it depends on what you mean by “last relationship.” And… no, I don’t think I can narrow this down for you. Sorry.
14) What worries me most: is that I’m going to hopelessly bungle… everything.
15) When I turn my head left: I see the hallway outside my office through the nearly-ceiling-height window.
16) When I turn my head right: I see the second monitor that’s attached to this workstation. Dual-head displays rock.
17) You know I’m lying when: I’m clearly full of it.
18) What I miss most about the eighties: is regular musical output from my favorite bands.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: a comedic foil.
20) By this time next year: I’ll have more money, more sex and more of a wardrobe, among other things.
21) I have a hard time understanding: how Bush got re-elected.
22) You know I like you if: I go out of my way to do nice things for you.
23) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: my kids, for helping make me the kind of person who doesn’t feel ashamed to accept awards.
24) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: walk into a bar… except for Darwin, who ducks. Clearly, he’s the more-evolved one.
25) Take my advice, never: assume that you know what a woman is thinking.
26) My ideal breakfast is: corned-beef hash, eggs over-easy, hash browns, with a side of bacon and an english muffin.
27) If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go to: NoHo’s for lunch or dinner, The Original Hot Cake House for breakfast, and the Rose Garden (no, not the arena, the one with actual roses) for the view. (Note: This is for values of “hometown” that equal “Portland, Oregon.” For other, childhood values of “hometown,” no valuable data is on file. Terribly sorry. Do come again.)
28) Why doesn’t everyone: take a deep breath and agree to disagree about certain things?
29) If you spend the night at my house: you’ll not want for entertainment options.
30) I’d stop my wedding: as soon as the drugs wore off and I realized what was happening.
31) The world could do without: bigots of any stripe. And mosquitos.
32) My favorite blonde is: strawberry. Oh, you wanted a person?
33) If I do anything well, it’s: a complete mystery to me.
34) And by the way: I’m pretty good company, most days.
35) The last time I was drunk, I: wasn’t even a teenager yet. Mitch and I just about killed his little brother when we realized that the kid had spiked our apple juice…