“Why don’t you ever call me?” It’s a question I hear from just about all of my friends at one point or another. My usual answer consists of, “I don’t really like talking on the phone.”
Tonight I was given cause to really put a better description to it. See, here’s the problem: While my hearing is rather sensitive in the upper registers (sometimes annoyingly so, as when a CRT is out of tune) it’s rather weak in the middle ranges… right where human voices tend to be. This makes it difficult to follow a conversation in a place with more than a minimum of ambient noise, for instance. It also means that listening to someone on the phone is an exercise in frustration. The available bandwidth on a telephone is fairly narrow, generally meant solely for the middle ranges where human speech is best transferred. Add to that the generally poor state of audio reproductive equipment (okay, that’s a fancy way of saying “the speakers in the phones”) and I tend to be at a loss during most conversations carried out by phone.
What I tend to forget is that most normal people actually like talking with other people, and when it’s not possible to do so in person then the phone is the best alternative. This point has been made rather directly tonight, and I need to adjust my habits accordingly.
Yay, gotta love a challenge. It’s for the best, really, but still… it’s not going to be easy. I hate asking people to repeat what they just said as if I wasn’t paying attention. I weary of concentrating so fiercely on just being able to make out the words that I can’t really comprehend the meaning until I’ve had a chance to replay the words in my head.
But if I’m going to be a better friend, especially to those people I don’t get to see very often, I need to get the hell over this. My true friends won’t mind if I have to ask them to repeat themselves every so often. Nobody else really matters… not enough for me to call them on the phone, anyway. (Heh.)
And, yes, this is why I’m almost useless as a conversationalist at parties or loud restaurants. I spend a lot of time just smiling and nodding, because I lack the nerve to ask “huh?” every couple of minutes. Le sigh, le double sigh.
Mind you, this probably explains why I learn so well from contextual clues. I’ve probably spent my whole life piecing together incomplete statements and turning them into information. Food for thought, that…
Comments
11 responses to “For the record: Why I don’t talk on the phone much”
Well, at least you’re fantastic at context, and I know you’re great one-on-one… I know someone who’s *awful* at reading signals *and* he’s bad at hearing over the phone…
I think I am the exact same way as you with the phone. But also, I tend to stutter on the phone, when I don’t stutter talking face-to-face.
Huh – I thought it was just me. Have you ever ‘felt’ a dog whistle being used?
But why talk on the phone when there is the joy of IM chat? 😀
Why pick IM chat over phone? While IM /does/ help with long distance relationships immensly, sometimes being able to talk over the phone and listening to your significant other’s voice does wonders in lifting your spirits. So yeah, they both have their purposes, but it’s also difficult at times to have a relationship primarily based on online chatting. Chatting online with friends is one thing, but a relationship is on a completely different level than that of friends.
Hey, wait! I can’t hear any of you — oh wait, that’s cause we’re on line… ha ha ha ha
OK, so i am not so funny… perhaps it’s the desert air… or perhaps it’s just that i’m not so funny *grin*
Well, i am going on one month of strict emails with someone and it’s killing me. There is something to be said for the human voice connection. Granted I know way more about the person because of the freedom that emailing/iming gives but it is starting to guickly lose its luster.
I am just happy to hear from duckie, regardless of the context. Once it happens on a regular basis then i might start getting picky but for now I will take what I can get.
*HUG*
Phone conversation no longer holds the charm that it did for me in junior high -so I’m with you on the dislike of that sort of thing.
Don’t worry, love… I tend to have the same issue at times… I’ve found that I’m a really good lip reader, but only if I can actually *see* the speaker’s face. Sigh… It’s fun when you have 3 year old prescription glasses, and end up being placed in the BACK of the class…
Well, I think it’s primarily a preference thing…I far prefer IM chat to phone talking, largely because I’m the inveterate multi-tasker, and people tend to feel I’m not giving them enough attention if they can hear me clicking on the mouse or keyboard in the background while they’re on the phone with me. But I just can’t ONLY talk on the phone – no matter how much I’m wrapped up in someone, phone conversations are boring. In-person conversations can include cuddling for my multi-tasking needs! And Geoffrey & I built an entire relationship on IM chats of 2-6 hours a night, 5 or 6 nights a week, for 4 months while he was at college in Wisconsin before he moved in with me (we couldn’t afford long distance calls) – and it’s been the best foundation I’ve ever had in any kind of relationship!
I’m with ya hon. I have tonal deafness and often have a hard time making out words over the phone (or any non face-to-face verbal medium).
And like you, I’ve learned to pick up contextual clues, and read lips quite a bit to catch up. I know a bit of sign language also, so I think that helps a bit with body language and reading a person (not that I’m spouting that I have 100% accuracy because I don’t!! lol).