Here’s why I don’t watch the television news, kids.

“Blah blah blah polls indicate yadda yadda is the whatever hoo-ha, but that may change.”

Oh, no. Do go on.

Are you saying that poll results, or indeed any given state of affairs at this precise moment, aren’t completely static? Is it remotely possible, perhaps, that everything may change, sooner or later? People, unless you’re telling me about the speed of light or the fact that two apples added to two apples gives you four apples, I’m going to operate under the perhaps-misguided belief that the state of the world as relayed by talking heads on a glowing rectangle might, perhaps, be undergoing change nearly all of the time.

Okay, so they’re not really trying to insult my intelligence. (Not this way, anyway.) It’s almost as bad, though: They’re just filling airtime. With X minutes to blabber through and Y amount of data, the average newscaster is going to run out of Y long, long before X comes to a close. Thus we end up with inane drivel such as, “But that may change.”

These, as George Carlin once joked, are the thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools.