Dear Lady In A Hurry, In Hillsboro:

Please allow me to clear up a misunderstanding between us. You may be under the impression that just because I was wearing a long black coat that I’m some sort of juvenile delinquent. You may also have interpreted the fact that I backed out of your way as I was crossing the street as some sort of defiant gesture. I can’t imagine how, mind you, but I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. However, I’m fairly certain that it was thoroughly unnecessary to stop in the middle of the crosswalk, roll down your window and tell me in a nasty tone of voice that, “It would help if you wouldn’t wear black.”

Why, yes, I know I was wearing black. Have you any idea how few good-looking non-black trenchcoats there are out there, let alone coats as warm and comfortable as mine? I also know it was a dark intersection. This is why, when I saw you swerve onto the main street from the side street at considerable speed and then turn on your blinker, I backed away from your most probable path. I like to think of this as using good survival instincts, since I’m not very visible under those conditions. You might even consider it an act of courtesy that I didn’t insist on crossing the rest of the street as I actually had the right-of-way to do. I’m a nice guy that way. And, I like not being run over in the dark by stupid people driving at high speeds.

In conclusion, please save your vitriol for someone who actually earned it. Thank you.

Yours, etc,

The Little Grey Duck In The Warm Black Trenchcoat