As of today I’ve been a father for twenty-one full years. I wasn’t a “Dad” at first, I wasn’t good at the job, but maybe few people are actually talented right out of the gate when it comes to parenting. At any rate, my all-grown-up son is up in Redmond somewhere right now and I hope he’s having a good time.
Responsibly, mind you. Always responsibly.
While pondering what to do with our couple days off together, the lovely and patient Kylanath suggested an Ikea trip. And so, this morning, after a lovely breakfast at the Cadillac Cafe on NE Broadway we embarked via MAX train to our local big blue-and-yellow box. Once again I demonstrated why shopping with me is superior to shopping without me.
My big blue bag only contained a big gray bath towel and a big poofy pillow, one of which I can’t try out until after laundry day and the other I can’t try out until bedtime. Otherwise I behaved myself, and my bank balance thanks me…
There are times when I feel like I’m only of value for two things: To my employers, how much work can they get out of me for the money they pay, and to everyone else, how much money I have for the things they want. I’m a walking, talking, income-outgo equation. Nobody wants to know what’s on my mind or hear about my day. I’m just here to shut up, smile, nod, and make sure I pay my bills on time. Or pick up the tab. Or cough it up for some surprise expense or another.
In case you’re wondering why my writing output fell off again, yes, I’m fighting my way through another depressive period. Paradoxically the summer weather is both helping and hindering my efforts. The full-spectrum sunlight and blue skies help, but the oppressive humidity and heat sap my energy something terrible. Living my entire non-work existence in my bedroom with the noisy rattling air conditioner only reduces the temperature factor, it sure doesn’t help in any other way.
Is it autumn yet?
I couldn’t very well leave that post as the last word on the journal for a week or more, now could I?
So I’m feeling better today. Not 100%, but better. I still don’t think I’m tackling a big writing project any time soon, but I’m percolating on some possible creative outlets that might be better suited to what skills I have… and what skills I’m curious to learn. The webcomic, after all, mostly came about because my father gave me a very nice camera and I desired a fun way to learn to make the most of it. Most of the better things I’ve done in my life are because they were tied to discovering new toys and building a new skillset.
Play to your strengths, they say. Well, I happen to be very good at learning-through-tinkering. Now I just need to find the best new choice of outlet for that combination.
Watch this space, folks.
Let’s call it seven hours.
That’s how much time I’ve spent in the last few weeks sitting at the computer, hands on the keyboard, trying to get words out of my head and into an outline, into a story. And nothing’s coming out. Nothing. Not a damned thing.
Yesterday morning was a perfect opportunity: Quiet, alone, no chores, no work, just me and the word processor. I wasn’t even playing music. Nothing. Not a damned thing. From 9:30 to 12:00 I did nothing. And that was just yesterday.
I can’t do it. All of this glorious “I’m going to write something!” and, no, apparently I am most assuredly not.
So… now what? The comic’s over. I can’t write. I’m not actually a good photographer. I’m terrible at working with tools so building & crafting are right out.
I guess I’m just a worker drone and passive consumer from here on out.
Whee.
