I warn you now, this is going to be a rather serious and personal posting. There hasn’t been one of these in a while. Here’s hoping I don’t muck it up too badly.
Exchanging email with a friend of mine recently, I was asked, “I don’t know how to find out what or who I want. Any suggestions?”
My answer: It’s not a “who.” There is no “who.” “What” is easy: Respect, chemistry, loyalty (one can have multiple partners and still be loyal, it all depends on how you go about it), humor… give or take a few ingredients. Settle for nothing less. Be ruthless, even if it hurts, in protecting your own heart and soul.
I’ve adopted three mottos this year. They help me sort through the conflicting emotions and facts and impulses so I can get down to cases and actually do something about my problems.
Motto The First: Life’s Too Short. There’s absolutely no reason in the world one should cling desperately to an untenable situation, nor should one hold back from stating their true feelings and beliefs before those who are most important in one’s life. Fear isn’t a good enough reason. Not fear of reprisal, not fear of being alone, not even fear of making the wrong choice. (And yes, I’ve lived with all three of those fears for quite some time now.) In the end, you have to stand up and do something. The sooner the better. None of us are getting any younger. Don’t take the chance that you’ll look back on today and regret your inaction.
Motto The Second: One Standard Will Do Nicely, Thank You. As much fun as it can be to throw this around when we see others living in a way that doesn’t match their stated beliefs, or engaging in blatant hypocrisy, this motto is mostly about performing regular head-checks on one’s own values and actions. I don’t think I’ve completely mastered the seemingly simple art of saying and doing what I believe to be right, but I’m getting better… and isn’t that what this is all about? Of course, this motto remains a statement of policy regarding things one should not put up with in those people we choose to make a part of our lives.
Motto The Third: Actions Speak Louder Than Words. It seems obvious, but I’ve realized that sometimes it needs saying. People are always saying what they think someone wants to hear. It isn’t even so much that they deliberately lie, but that they’re afraid to be thought poorly of by anybody. Or they’re afraid that if they say what they really think they may lose the respect or love of someone important to them. But you know what? Someone can say whatever they must, but they can’t hide their actions forever. I know. I tried. (Once again, this motto is as much internal as external.) It may be safe to say that one of my biggest challenges is learning to shut up and put my beliefs into practice. Again, of course, I haven’t perfected the art. But I now hold myself accountable for doing so, and I hold others around me similarly so.
How about it, friends and neighbors? Do these mottos apply to your life? Do you perhaps have others to suggest? In the immortal words of Joe Don Baker, “Go ahead on.”
Comments
8 responses to “On Finding Someone, And Mottos For Living”
Having been oh-so-guilty of exactly that… you are so right, man. Thanks for chiming in!
He didn’t say anything about that. Bitching while solving, okay. Bitching whilst avoiding, not okay. =)
As It Comes
“If you delay living the joys until later, they can fade to almost nothing before you ever experience them. If you delay addressing the problems until later, they can become far more difficult and imposing by the time you get around to them.
Instead, live life as it comes. Work through the challenges as they appear, and drink in the joys as they come along.
If you delay rest and relaxation for too long, you’ll grow weary and burned out. If you delay effort for too long, the best of life’s opportunities will pass you by.
Rest when you’re tired, and get back on your way when you’re rested. Listen to the rhythm of life, and live it as it comes.
Stop waiting for things to get better, or easier, more comfortable or more convenient. Go with what you have here and now.
Find the value in each moment, in each situation, then live that value. Make the very most of life, each moment as it comes along.”
Ralph Marston via Tracey Ash
Hon, don’t worry about mastering your objectives. It’s the acknowledging of issues and effort towards them that count. Sheesh, if we ever actually manage to master all the things that we find important what else is there to look forward to? Pop-tarts?
Well, I have always been fond of “one standard” and try to live up to it. That’s probably the most difficult one, since society today is so very double-standardized.
One corollary I’d like to add to “do something” is: don’t bitch about it if you aren’t going to do something about it. After you’ve done all you and your friends can think of to change it, then you can bitch.
I like to bitch whilst I’m in the midst of doing something about it, thankyouverymuch. It helps me think out the whys-and-wherefores of how to tackle the problems, helps me come up with creative solutions, and keeps me focused on the goals of getting to the results instead of meandering off on side-tracks. Plus it’s just plain satisfying to do those primal war screams (figuratively speaking) while you’re going into battle (more figurative speech…one hopes, at least!). *grin*
[…] My Number One Internet Fanboy turns 34 today. Karel and I “met” online when he was Googling for taglines, and he found a .txt file of them that I had up on my website. He sent me a thank-you email, and I was delighted; we corresponded for many months before our first in-person meeting. That was several years ago; we’ve gone from casual online pals to very close friends (who also happened to have fallen in love). His mottos for living have deeply impacted my philosophies for the better, his geek-fu has saved my butt (and more importantly, my computer) many times, his common sense & honesty have straightened out my foolishness more than a few times, he’s enriched my life immensely, and he always makes me smile. I hope to be there to toast his birthday for many decades to come! […]
[…] The conclusion from all that thinking was, “If I didn’t have such cool friends and lovers in my life, I’d be a hermit.” Which is cynically amusing, considering that I used to be considered the major party chick, and more than a couple of An Tirian biffies sported graffiti along the lines of, “For a good time, take some Buttershots to the tall redhead in the purple Irish dress.” (That’s right, I was the medieval-recreation Paris Hilton. Without the rich parents or the starring role in amateur video, mind you.) Anyway, my point was that I’ve become less social in recent years, and I suspect it’s either due to higher standards or less patience with dumbshits. Hmm, now that I think about it, mostly less patience (although I have upped some of my standards *grin*). A lot less patience. Life’s too short, and all that. […]