With apologies to the venerable Monty Python, what follows is a barely-embellished account of my experience a few minutes ago at Ye Olde Purveyors Of Hot Stimulating Beverages…

“Hello, what can I get for you this morning?”

“Hmm. How about a chonga bagel?”

“Sorry, we’re out.”

“The other one, the Hawaiian bagel?”

“We’re all out of bagels.”

“Right. Sandwiches, then. I’ll take a sausage breakfast sandwich.”

“Ah, we’re out of those too.”

“Well, that’s a bit disappointing. You know, I’ll try something new and have the ham sandwich.”

“Actually…”

“Wow. You know, I’m starting to feel like I should turn and shout at the band to stop that bloody singing. But there’s no band here.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. What sandwiches do you have?”

“We have the pepper bacon!”

“One of those, then, thanks.”

It then took several minutes for the girl to make my cocoa, not because it was particularly busy but because she stopped down for a while to… dink around, as near as I can tell. I wish the Evil Coffee Empire outpost nearest my home wasn’t staffed with such dingbats. I also wish they’d get their food deliveries on time!

The suffering I endure for your amusement…