I should’ve known better than to get my hopes up at the “job offer” email I received yesterday.

We have found your resume at www.monster.com.

Sigh. Apparently the only people who’ve done so up to this point are weasels.

And We would like to suggest you a position at our company – the Transfer Manager.

And I would like to suggest that you jump off a cliff, or possibly go play in traffic.

The task of the Transfer Manager is to process payments between our clients and our company via checks, bank wire transfers,Money Orders.

Oh, this doesn’t sound even remotely suspicious, does it? This is the sentence that set off the rest of my mental alarms. You’re hiring a bunch of people (you say there are 5 positions open) to perform transactions? Aren’t there, you know, professional and secure financial services and what-not for this kind of thing? What’s wrong with using those? And what sort of people are willing to do business with you in this fashion? Do I not even want to know?

Maybe I’m just paranoid. It’s possible that I’m reading too much into this. Maybe.

The job is related to remote Internet operations.

I’m not entirely certain that this sentence even parses.

Every payment order will be accompanied with detailed instructions.

I should hope so.

It’s a commission based position. You will get about 8% of each processed payment.

I shudder to think what your markup is, then, if you can afford to shrug off that much of a given payment.

There’s more, but I won’t bore my readership. Suffice to say that it’s a “work at home” position that will supposedly grant me “financial independence” and “high self-esteem” even though “prior customer service experience is a good benefit, but not a must.”

Don’t call me, folks. I’ll call forget you.