I know, I know. Other than the occasional meme, work rant or silly link, I haven’t been posting much here. Call it an “off month” if you like. Maybe my subconscious wants to rest up before tackling NaNoWriMo.

Yeah, that’s a workable excuse. *snicker*

So what’s really been going on in my life? The short version would be: Work Eat Sleep Sadness Laughter Doldrums Sex Frustration Disappointment Hope Lather Rinse Repeat.

The AS/400 project is completed at last, Marconi and his entourage have moved to Seattle, and we’re now gearing up for reconstruction at the office so we can move KWJJ and KOTK into our facility. Work, in other words, is pretty much back to normal: Always in flux, always the same.

Things at home are tense, most days. You don’t easily or lightly dismantle a twelve year relationship. There’s more than enough bitterness and frustration to go around, and it goes around and around quite a bit. The kids are doing well enough, but then again I haven’t moved out yet.

Outside work and the home there’s not much I’m ready to talk about yet. This isn’t the time, and isn’t yet the place. There’s considerable hope for the future, but that future will be some time coming yet. I’m the lucky one in this regard, at least, since I have friends here in town who are looking out for me.

Now all I have to do is the most difficult thing I could ever imagine: Packing up and leaving my family. It may not happen soon, but then again it might. And it hurts like hell, and scares me to death, and I still need to do it. I can’t live in limbo, I just can’t. It’s as if I died months ago and my body doesn’t know it yet, you know?

The next trick will be learning to live with myself afterward. If I can.