There are all sorts of reasons why a person will read any given online journal. Sometimes it’s friendship, sometimes it’s for the topical commentary. A fair number of my favorite sites are such simply because of the chance to read something clever and pleasantly snarky. For instance, Emily recently wrote:
Then I did some calculations and figured out that my being bitter and angry at the world was probably the result of PMS. That made me madder. I want a better excuse for being pissed off. For example, some confirmation that everyone who isn’t me is actually a moron.
Sarah shares,
… and all I’d like to do is vacuum. Really. There is nothing more satisfying than grabbing some overly-loud machine and picking up itty bitty pieces of paper on carpet. … And that would be the janitor in me speaking. Crap.
The good Captain Rooba warns,
If you have a girlfriend that is from another culture and has never used a garbage disposal before. Make sure you are very specific about what can go in said garbage disposal. Don’t just say, “food”. “Food” is a very, very vague term.
If you fail to heed my warning… you may find yourself praying that you can fix a garbage disposal that was used to grind up duck. Not just duck meat… no… the whole duck… bones and all.
I can’t even properly excerpt the next one, since Doyce‘s entire entry is priceless:
A swarm of bees attacked and killed a 400-pound llama standing in a pasture.
That’s it. There doesn’t really have to be much more to the story than that, does there? Hell, the phrase “400-pound llama” is really enough all by itself.
Try it out. Just say that out loud, really slow.
“Four hundred pound… llllllllllama.”
Seriously, just try not to giggle. I bet you can’t do it.
Throw in “stung to death by bees while standing in a pasture” and you’ve got yourself a mental image that will keep you going for the rest of the day.
I picture this one ne’er-do-well llama out in a pasture, maybe leaning against a tree having a smoke. He’s looking bored. Suddenly his eyes widen at something he sees off screen.
The rest of the scene looks like a weird Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom Rodney King tape.
And before this gets completely out of hand, I’ll close with some slang silliness from Karen:
“I’ll just walk over there and shag her,” he said.
“Excuse me??? You mean, ‘snag her,’ right?”
“No, shag. It’s a baseball term. You know, ‘Go out to center field and I’ll shag you a few balls.’”
“Have you ever seen any of the Austin Powers movies?”
(Obviously he hadn’t.) I then explained, in the most delicate of terms, what ‘shag’ means in the current pop culture vernacular. I think I may have saved him from a potential lawsuit down the road. And I get extra credit for not laughing at the phrase, “shagging a few balls.”
You know what? I think I’ve discovered what one of my goals for this site should be.
Quoteworthiness.
What do you think? Do I have what it takes? Let’s find out.
