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Looking For Quacks In The Pavement

Month: March 2002

  • Doc, I’ve got an infection. Several, actually.

    Are you infected? I didn’t think I was, but you can’t be too safe in this day and age.

    Let’s pause for a moment to admire the absurdity of the phrase “this day and age.” Thank you.

    Anyway, I took the Human Virus Scanner and here’s what it had to say about my infections:

    Viruses you suffer from:

    Pokemon – Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

    Linux – Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

    USA – Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

    Junkfood – Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

    Free BSD – The GPL isn’t that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.

    Sci-fi – Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

    8-Bit – Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

    Japan – Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.

    Politics – Stop caring!

    Hippyism – Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

    Environmentalism – Consume more stuff! It’s easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

    Macintosh – Use a mouse with more than one button.

    Viruses you might suffer from:

    Industrial (70%) – Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.

    UNIX (90%) – Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

    Brand Names (80%) – Having a well-known name doesn’t make it good.

    X11 (60%) – I hear Mac OS 10 Aqua is nice at this time of year.

    Computer Games (90%) – Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

    Prog Rock (60%) – Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD’s they don’t crackle.

    Ack! I didn’t know it was that bad… I need professional help, and fast!

  • I don’t know about “off the wall,” dear.

    Perusing various blogs via good old Blogsnob, I stumble across smartass.nu. Because I’ve got some time on my hands today, not only am I reading entries but also peering at bio pages.

    Here’s the cute part. Under “Off the wall facts about me” are these two lines:

    * I’ve worked in a pig slaughterhouse
    * I no longer eat pork

    Gee, I dunno. The first may count as “off the wall,” but the second just plain makes sense… in light of the first, that is.

  • Firestarter: Rekindled

    Please note that I’ve only seen the first installment of the miniseries, but since I’m not terribly interested in seeing the rest I suppose now’s as good a time as any to post my review.

    I’m not what you would call a huge Steven King fan. I admire his abilities, and I like some of his stories, but that’s about as far as it goes.

    The above statement has almost nothing to do with Firestarter: Rekindled, largely because King doesn’t appear to have been involved with the project. Good for him, I say. One his stories I do like is the original Firestarter novel; this miniseries appears to be an attempt to tell the rest of the story, as if the novel was somehow incomplete.

    Who is Charlie McGee, circa 2000-something? Apparently she’s an indecisive, absentminded loner who likes to go out and dance, get hot-and-heavy with strange men and then leave them hanging (as it were) before she burns them to a crisp. You’d think she would learn after a while, but oh well. She must have animal instincts or some nonsense.

    The erstwhile hero of the tale is a feeble loser who only clues in fairly late in the first installment that he works for EvilCorp. *sigh*

    Oh yes, and Malcolm McDowell seems to enjoy his role as the dastardly John Rainbird. It’s a little like having Dennis Hopper as the Raving Lunatic in any given movie… it’s not like we’re going to expect anything new and interesting, are we?

    I forgot, Hopper’s in this miniseries too, but he didn’t show up the first night so I can’t comment on his role. Sorry.

    I think I’ll stop picking nits here, and just say it flat-out: I’m not impressed. The characters are either underplayed to the point of flaccidity or overplayed to the point of absurdity. Things happen that don’t make sense logically or motivationally. Just about the only interesting parts are some of the flashback sequences, which is kind of sad when you sit around and think about it.

    Firestarter: Rekindled earns a couple of points for neat pyrotechnic effects, a few details that seem to have been properly thought through, and a cute rant about the state of the library arts in America. And that’s about it, folks.

    Firestarter: Rekindled site

  • Random Monday Tidbits

    In a stunning change of pace, I have decided to post another pointless, meandering journal entry!

    Amazing, huh? I’ll bet you’re surprised. Really.

    Not much happened over the weekend. I watched the Firestarter miniseries’ first installment last night, for what little that was worth. Well, it gave me something for my TV reviews section, so I should be thankful or something.

    Today has been a day of small fires and equally small technical triumphs. I updated some server software, among other things. Exciting, isn’t it?

    Bleah. Next time I’ll make sure that I’ve eaten a good meal before I try to type up a journal entry. Writing on an empty stomach, as it were, is a futile endeavor.

  • Ultimate Personality Test

    Months ago I got hooked on Emode.com and took a bunch of personality tests. Yes, yes, very lame. Too bad, I had fun with it anyway. Hell, why do you think I have a Surveys section here, if not to point out how hopelessly addicted I can be?

    Anyway, long posting short, I’m a “Secret Agent.” It says so right here:

    Karel, you’re a Secret Agent!

    Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types ó your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Secret Agent which means you are a Thinker / Seeker. Your primary sub-type is defined by “Thinker” characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by “Seeker” characteristics.

    That means you’re basically a smart, shrewd loner. Chances are although you prefer solitude, you’re a deeply caring person full of energy and ideas. On a personal level, you’re sensitive. You may worry too much about how you compare to others, and your mood suffers under such intense personal scrutiny.

    How do we know all this? How do we know that you like to work in a cubicle and eat lunch at your desk? How could we have divined that you possess a critical eye that assures your final product is always top rate?

    Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions ó questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance ó the primary traits that determine your personality. Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Secret Agent.

    Sure, why not. It’s as accurate as any of the other multiple-choice quiz assessment tests, anyway. If you have a few spare minutes you can take the test yourself. If you’re really bored you can email me via the link on this page so we can compare notes. Wouldn’t that be fun? Wouldn’t it? Huh?

  • Birthday Boy

    No longer a twenty-something, I am officially a thirty-something as of today. As if that meant anything, really. A year older, maybe a day or two wiser, I’m just going to try to get through today without getting moody or too introspective. I feel a Thoughts entry coming on, though.

    If you’re lucky I’ll be too busy to type it up. =)

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