I won’t be in the office today. My small family is going to the previously unvisited town of Riddle, Oregon for the purpose of seeing my mother before she moves back to Alaska.

Too bad I had to give Gary’s camera back. This trip would almost certainly be Gallery-worthy. Le sigh, le double sigh.

I’ll post something rambling and descriptive when we get back. Either that or I’ll post something terse and bitter. Or some combination thereof. You never know how it’s going to go when Mom’s involved.

I’m back from my unannounced, self-imposed journalling vacation. I’m back to provide the kind of non-stop information you’ve become accustomed to; I will once again answer the questions my readers most want answered.

The question on everyone’s mind is probably, “What will the next terrorist attack be?” or perhaps instead “When will the war with Iraq begin?” Unfortunately the question I’m here to answer is, “How was Karel’s winter gift-giving holiday?”

Try to contain your disappointment.

Christmas in Portland. How can I describe it? It’s the same every year, really. Grey skies, wet roads, frenzied shoppers. Luckily for the Kerezmans, we didn’t deal with any of it. We stayed inside all day yesterday. Presents were opened, sweets were ingested, music played and colored lights flickered.

Alex spent a token half-hour playing with the coolest of his presents, the K’Nex building set. Erica spent a token half-hour pretending to work on her puzzle while really drooling over Alex’s K’Nex set. Eventually the kids were allowed onto the computers for an afternoon (and evening) of pure gaming bliss.

Daddy aided this bliss by spending the entire afternoon (and evening) downloading extra gaming goodies. Mommy was a bit upset with Daddy for cutting into her TSO time. Ah well.

Speaking of Mommies and Daddies, I got phone calls from each of mine yesterday. Mom called first, partly to wish us all a happy holiday but mostly to announce that she and her hubby are moving back to Alaska. Yep, the busy metropolis that is Riddle, OR is just too much for her to take. Based on this information, our plan is to drive down on Monday so she’ll get one last chance to see her son and grandchildren. (Let’s face it. Once she’s back in Alaska, neither my children or I will ever see her again.)

I could point out that in the many months since Mom moved to Oregon from Alaska there’s been all kinds of time during which a family gathering could have been arranged. But that would then necessitate an explanation of why my mother dislikes cities and specifically loathes Portland. I’d also be tempted to hazard some guesses as to her real motivations for moving to Oregon, for avoiding her family while in Oregon, and for moving back to Alaska again. I’m a good, dutiful son, so I won’t do any of that. See what a good boy I am?

Later in the evening, Dad called. In addition to the obligatory holiday wishes, he also wants me to build him a computer so he can surf the Internet. Well, this will at least offset what we owe him for those Columbia Sportswear coats he helped us buy. And who knows, maybe he’ll visit this page from time to time. All in a good cause, right?

Yep, this is my extended family. We only call one another on holidays and when we want something. For a treatise on the ills of the other side of our little family, read Wendi’s latest rant.

Is it any wonder that my friends, few as they are, are so vitally precious to me?

My glorious employers, in what’s supposed to pass for Christmas spirit, gave me again what they’ve given me every year for just about every year since I took on a full time position: $50 of Fred Meyer gift certificates.

Since Santa won’t be putting on a command performance in our house this year due to the money troubles I mentioned a few weeks ago, I decided to use my bounty to get something the kids could appreciate. That’s right, my hard-won bonus went into a pair of USB gamepads.

The kids play a lot of console-style games on the computers, okay?

It took almost three hours to visit enough Fred Meyer stores in the area to accumulate two gamepads that didn’t completely suck. (Microsoft’s Sidewinder ‘pads are awful, both models. Four buttons, only one D-pad and no triggers? Bite me.) I really, really wish Freddy’s carried Logitech hardware, but such is life. (The Wingman RumblePad we’ve had for a while? It’s the standard by which all other gamepads I buy will be judged for a long, long time.) We ended up with a pair of mismatched Saiteks, cheesy and cheaply-made ‘pads that fulfilled the requirements of having at least one analog stick, triggers, a D-pad and a relatively low price tag. We’ll see how the P750 and P880 stand the test of time.

Oh yeah, I also picked up the Might And Magic Platinum Collection. Four games for the price of one. No, really. Might and Magic IX was stickered at $29.99 at one end of the shelf, while the Collection was also stickered at that price but sat at the other end of the shelf. Whatever. Mind you, now that I have game IX I’m reading all kinds of bad reviews of it online. That’s okay. I have VI and VII, both of which are well worth playing.

The moral of this story? There isn’t one, except that shopping sucks. And possibly that buying computer games and accessories is a stupid waste of my Christmas bonus. The kids sure love the gamepads, though, and dammit (!) that’s gotta count for something.