I’d issue a call to arms, but I already have two of them. What I need is brains. Whyfor? Because I can’t figure out to what clever use I should put the concert ticket generator!
So. C’mon, you big brains out there. Show us what you’re made of.
Author: Karel Kerezman
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Not quite an oxymoron, but awfully close.
One of the subject lines in my “probable spam” email folder advertised something called “Soft Viagra.” Sure, it’s not hard to figure out what they’re talking about, but did they really think things through before calling it that?
Maybe I should go into the consulting business. “Hire me! I’ll give your new product a once-over before you go public, with an eye toward preventing glaringly obvious faux pas and double entendres! Stop being the laughingstock of intelligent people!”
Hmm. I might be onto something.
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Your Horoscope For 2007
While I sit here, miserable but slightly better rested in my room at home, I have amused myself (between naps) by catching up on some of my websurfing. Here’s a delightful gem I found at James Randi’s place…
“THE SKEPTIC’S HOROSCOPE for Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius (Jan 1, 2007 ”“ Dec 31, 2007):
“The coming year is likely to present challenges; these trials are when your true character will show. Trusted friends can provide assistance in particularly pressing situations. Make use of the skills you have to compensate for ones you lack. Your reputation in the future depends on your honesty and integrity this year. Monetary investments will prove risky; inform yourself as much as possible. On the positive side, your chances of winning the lottery have never been greater!”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get some more tea and scrounge up some lunch…
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So far, this isn’t an improvement.
Meet the new year, much like the old year, in which an increasing percentage of my time is spent miserable.
I’ve suffered a head cold for an entire week, with no sign of improvement. Now, thanks to the variety of medications I’ve taken in a (mostly) vain attempt to not feel quite so lousy, I itch. All over. It’s a mild itch, but it travels. You know that itch which, when scratched, immediately moves to a different, random point elsewhere on your body? Yeah, that’s the itch.
So not only has my throat been sore (in the “ow, it hurts to swallow” sort of way) for an entire week, not only have I been coughing and sniffling all that time, but now I’m afraid to take anything for it because I don’t know what medication (or combinations thereof) gave me the allergic reaction. Outstanding. And since I’m such a trooper, I’ve shown up at work without fail each day during this ordeal. (I burned too many sick days in the last few months for my comfort, so of course now I’m even more miserable than I was when I took those days. Go figure.)
As you might expect, what with the pain of swallowing waking me up all through the night coupled with an urge to itch one spot or another on my skin, I didn’t sleep well last night. It’s not like I get a whole lot of sleep normally, so this is just adding injury to insult.
I suppose the good news is that I might be able to afford a new mattress soon. Of course, the last time I made plans of that nature I lost my job…
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Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his grey duck.
Happy 2007, everybody. I know, I sort of left things hanging around here for the last few days of 2006 but when you get right down to it, there wasn’t much to say. I don’t want to look back on that particular run of twelve months. Not that it was all bad. Some of it was quite good. However, long stretches of it were absolutely dreadful. So, good riddance.
And now for something completely silly. At one of my favorite website stops I found an amusing new toy. I plugged in a specific (and perhaps unsurprising) sequence of letters and what follows are many of the results. Please note that I’ve taken a bit of liberty with the formatting, using the two separate words or my Internet nickname form depending on which amuses me more. (It’s all about my amusement, dammit.) Can you name the movies?
- I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I’ve been seeing this grey duck.
- Why don’t you come up sometime and see GreyDuck?
- We’ll always have GreyDuck.
- Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a grey duck.
- You had me at ‘grey duck’.
- I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old grey duck for dinner.
- I always say a kiss on the hand might feel very good, but a grey duck lasts forever.
- You can’t handle the grey duck!
- Love means never having to say you’re GreyDuck.
- We can’t stop here. This is grey duck country.
- Gort! Klaatu barada GreyDuck!
- It is too late, my grey duck is in your veins.
- That grey duck is the pure, physical manifestation of Sadako’s hatred.
- There is a grey duck coming. Are you sure you’re on the right side?
- I am the author. You are the grey duck. I outrank you!
- I feel the need – the need for GreyDuck!
- Soylent Green is GreyDuck!
- I love the smell of grey duck in the morning.
- Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to grey duck.
- I say we take off and nuke the entire grey duck from orbit.
- If you build it, GreyDuck will come.
- Hasta la vista, GreyDuck.
- I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little grey duck, too!
I love that last one! After all, I am “the little grey duck.” Ha!
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I can see why this didn’t happen a week ago.
Of course. Last weekend I had precisely two activities to really worry about: A date with Lil’ on Friday night and playing Santa (or at least Gift Delivery Man) for my kids Monday morning. (There was a holiday party here at the house on Saturday, but I didn’t have to worry about that, see?)
My plans for today and the days to come, as of yesterday evening, looked a little something like this: Thursday after work, visit rugrats. Friday evening, dine with Lil’. Saturday, visit rugrats again and also go help The Imperial Princess of Cute with some computer problems she’s having. Sunday, maybe, go visit folks for New Year’s Eve.
Through all of last night, however, I struggled with a sore throat. You know how it is when it hurts to swallow? That’s the time your mouth decides to produce endless saliva, of course. And then the coughing started, and the stuffy head, and the fever, and the whole NyQuil commercial litany through the course of the day.
Yes, I’ll be taking The Green Death shortly. Thanks for asking.
No kidlet visiting tonight. No date tomorrow, though in a weird sort of way that worked out well for Lil’ and Geoffrey. (I wholeheartedly approve of things working out well for those two, mind you!) Saturday is… up in the air. I’m hoping to kick this thing soon enough to be functional by then, but I can’t make any guarantees, especially since I’m also determined to make it to work tomorrow. I’ve been home sick from work too many times on this job already, for the short time I’ve been there. Argh. Maybe this illness is the dying affliction of a lousy year, and a sign that it’s going to get better after this year/cold is through.
Then again, I’ve had my faith in the prospect of an improved new year trampled over and over, so I’m not getting my hopes up…