I’d love to say that my lack of posting lately is because I’ve been too busy and/or having too much fun to waste time with such mundanities as writing journal posts. That’s not the case, of course. I’ve simply been losing a series of battles against depression, exhaustion, lethargy, frustration, and the loss of temper that comes from those accumulated failures.

I’d like to not repeat the last 48 hours or so ever again, thank you. And no, I’m not going to detail any of that. This may (supposedly) be a journal, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to run my dirty laundry up the flagpole for everyone’s amusement. Suffice to say that I’m in bad shape and trying to figure out how to turn things around before I really do end up depressed and alone for good.

Waiting for my lunch order at one of the two bento shops near the office, I became convinced that wine culture is a massive, naughty joke perpetrated by, or perhaps on, the French.

A while ago, the store put in a high-definition wide-screen TV to help keep people entertained or something while they wait and/or eat. OPB was airing one of those milquetoast travelogues that they often use to fill midday airtime, and this time the host visited some famous wine-making region in France. Burgundy, perhaps. During the few minutes I sat at one of the tables near to the counter I watched the host take a wine-tasting lesson. Aided by the closed-captioning text, I learned that you must “earn the right to put it in your mouth,” and that there’s a fine etiquette as well as a principle of flavor involved with whether you spit or swallow.

I swear, I’m not making this up. I’m glad my food arrived, because I was on the verge of busting a gut laughing… and then I’d have had to explain why… without getting banned from the restaurant for the rest of my life.

It’s time for another in our ongoing series of looks at the good and the bad about my life at the moment…

Downside: I just spent the last of my usable funds at the grocery store and I don’t get paid until Wednesday morning, so if anything bad happens I’m in a world of hurt.

Upside: I have everything I need, right now, to get through ’til Wednesday morning.

Downside: It’s a world of thugs and bums out there tonight. Every two blocks I passed one or a group of shambling guys in dark clothing. They didn’t indicate a desire to eat my brains, so I’m assuming they’re just normal, living bottom-dwellers rather than actual zombies.

Upside: The thugs and bums, even the ones who wanted something from me, were all very polite.

Downside: It’s awfully damned chilly out there, which requires bundling up, which means that after a hike to the store and back I’m cold and sweaty. Bleh.

Upside: The fog is absolutely perfect out there tonight. Seriously. I love a good foggy night. That made the whole trek worthwhile, I tell you.

Downside: It’s already 8:00 and I haven’t actually relaxed or had any kind of fun yet, and bedtime’s only a couple of hours away.

Upside: Tomorrow’s Friday. ‘Nuff said.

As long as nothing goes pear-shaped for the next five days or so, I’ll tentatively call January of 2009 an upside in general. My optimism is sometimes misplaced, but it gets me through the day…

The last few days were better than the couple of weeks which came before. Visiting friends from afar and closer to home, exchanging presents (at long last!), walking on damp but safe sidewalks, enjoying the benefits of public transportation once more, and getting out of the house combined to give me a somewhat more cheerful outlook on life. It wouldn’t have taken much to improve on my headspace from a week ago, of course.

On the downside, it looks like our company’s insurance rates are going up again and I’ll be paying $100 more per month. Say goodbye to anything resembling a discretionary budget, folks! Oh well. I was enjoying life too much as it was, right?

On the upside, I put the new domain into place over at the newly-renamed but otherwise-unchanged anime forum. One of these days, perhaps, I’ll be able to afford some sort of advertising to bring in new faces…