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Looking For Quacks In The Pavement

  • Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies

    In the midst of a useful guide to building a Leap Attack Barbarian, this bit of text appears:

    Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies doesn’t have anything to do with Diablo II, but I think that someone should make a movie called Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies, because if there ever was a movie called Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies, I would see that crap like 400 times and I would totally dig it, and also I think that several chicks would dig it, and then I would take them to see Kung-fu Fighting Space Zombies like every single night for years and be all like, “Hey ladies, what’s goin’ on?”

    Aw Hell yeah.

    Okay, so a Leap Attack Barbarian may not sound like the most-fun-ever way to play Diablo II… but the guide’s certainly clever enough. Oh, and don’t forget:

    Finally, perhaps most importantly, and I want you to LISTEN to me here:

    Stop saying n00b.

    Truer words, my friend, were never electronically displayed…

    The Flying Booyaka

  • He’s a dozen, now.

    My son, Alexander, was born on the 15th of August, twelve years ago.

    Happy Birthday, Spud. I love you.

  • And while I’m good and angry…

    I want a new T-shirt. I want it to read, in large text, “YES, I AM A REGISTERED VOTER IN OREGON. NOW LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.”

    You’d think that the headphones would deter them, but no, it only works on about half of them. You know who they are, the ones with the clipboards that want you to sign a petition, probably to let Ralph Nader get on the presidential election ballot in Oregon. (That, right there, is a good enough reason not to want to talk to these people.)

    I’m sick and tired of being accosted just because I happen to be downtown, waiting for a bus or MAX, and therefore a captive audience. I’m all for participatory politics, don’t get me wrong, but after the 50th time (this week!) of hearing “Are you a registered voter in Oregon?” I’m starting to get tired of the process. It can be November sort of now-ish, thanks.

  • I simply must ask.

    In what alternate reality dimension, not of sight or sound but of mindlessness, is it a good idea to send email attachments of over 200 megabytes?

    Seven times?

    All at once?

    To the utter knob who ruined my morning by crashing the email server with seven 200-plus-megabyte attachments: Go directly to hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

    (Before anyone asks: Thanks to the delightful way Groupwise stores messages, I have no way at all of knowing whodunnit. Believe me, that fact alone adds to my blood pressure levels considerably right now.)

  • More incredibly evil than I could conceive of.

    It’s that evil Flash stuff again… this may actually be more evil than Kenya.

    But not moreso than Badgers. Nothing’s more evil than Badgers. Anyway… without further ado…

    The Incredibly Evil Machine

  • I’m the guy with the really big razor blade.

    You Are a Samurai
    You are a Samurai.
    You have trained the majority of your life. You are
    honerable, you follow your word. You spare no
    one once in combat, but that is expected, for
    your oponent would do the same to you. You use
    a two-handed katana.

    What type of Swordsman are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    I dare you to get something other than Samurai. So far, everyone I’ve heard of who’s taken it has ended up with this result. Not that this isn’t a cool thing, mind you…

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