Author: Karel Kerezman

  • The off has been kicked.

    I did it. I wrote a bit more than 1,700 words of my NaNovel. And, yes, I gave up and went with the super-silly concept. Why, you ask? For starters, I have no shame. More importantly, though, the less I have to think about where the story’s going, the easier it’ll be to write.

    On the one hand: Yay!

    On the other hand: Aw, crap. I have to do that 29 more times before month’s end.

    Right. Excerpt time. Keep in mind that a NaNovel is, by definition, unfiltered dreck. (It beats coming up with compelling and interesting posting content from my real life, let me tell you)

    David finally spoke. “Unless you’re going to suggest we use Michael for this, you’re the best option available.”

    Sighing deeply, I felt myself getting cornered. “I wouldn’t suggest that. You know I wouldn’t. Now that you mention it, though, what do you have him doing?”

    “Right now he’s got a small group out doing covert ops training, then we’re going to give him a couple of our aspiring political geniuses to grind the rough edges off of their technique.”

    I nodded my agreement with that. “He’s the best teacher we’ve ever had. Most of what I know about political wrangling came from my time under his wing.”

    “And it keeps him busy while we think of a way to convince him to take a real job around here,” David said.

    “I don’t need to tell you to be careful, I know, but be careful.” Michael McGee was only a couple of years back from the dead, in a manner of speaking, and the grief that had sent him off into the void for his own peculiar kind of suicide wasn’t completely healed. Without having to ask, I knew that Elaine and David were careful not to assign him any students with so much as a passing resemblance to his beloved Jessica.

    Elaine vanished, apparently content to leave David the job of sealing the deal. I didn’t wait for the renewal of his pitch. “You can’t rely on me and mine to fill in all of the empty places around here forever, man. We’ve done our part and then some. If I have to work, fine, but not this. It’s demeaning, for the love of all that’s holy!”

    “Fine. Give me a name. The job’s there, and whether we record it or not, it needs doing. We can’t. Michael can’t. Amy and Xian are assigned elsewhere already, and you know as well as I do that you couldn’t do as good a job as either for that gig. Tara and Lynn are already on assignments of their own. Buster’s handling combat training, Daniel’s still doing damage control on the demon mess, and those are all of the people we have who are competent and trustworthy.”

    “So I’m competent but not trustworthy?” I knew I’d lost by this point, but I couldn’t resist throwing that at him.

    “Very funny, Andrew.”

    Sighing was becoming a habit. “I’ll give you credit, old friend. You at least tried to wheedle me into doing it instead of shoving the cold hard facts down my throat.”

    “I just wish,” he replied, “that you’d given me credit for that to start with so I didn’t have to play hardball.”

    I had no graceful way to reply to that, so I did the smart thing for a change and kept my mouth shut.

    “We’re agreed, then?”

    “We’re agreed. But I’m going to use a puppet simulacrum. There’s no way in Heaven or Hell that I’m actually shapeshifting into the form of a household pet.”

    “Whatever makes you happy, Andrew.”

    “Blow it out your ear, David. Now, how about some more cheesecake?”

  • Shadowmarch

    As I prepare to embark on a novel-writing adventure, I should tell you about my recent novel-reading adventure. And by “adventure” I mean “week-long slog.”

    So there’s this castle near the barrier/border between the lands of normal folks and the lands of the fairie-folk. The king’s been kidnapped, and through a series of circumstances power is thrust into the hands of twin royal siblings, Barrick and Briony. One’s a petulant, moody sort with a weak constitution. The other’s a hot-tempered, moody sort with a yen for crossdressing. There are other characters (and charicatures) running around, but the story centers on those two. Oh, and a halfling— um, Funderling named Chert. And… oh, nevermind. I’m not here to run through the list of principal characters who inhabit Southmarch. We’d be here all afternoon.

    Meanwhile, a continent or so away, we meet a young lady who gets sucked up into palace intrigue as the newest of a horde of wives of a pharaonic despot sort of ruler. Periodically the book takes little side trips to check on her miserable existence. One assumes that in later volumes she’ll become, you know, important or some-such.

    I’ll sum up: Lots of bad things happen. In fact, very few good things happen. People die, often in creepy and/or grisly fashion. Betrayals and intrigue abound. Dark magicks are employed. There’s not much in the way of humor, and there’s an incredible weight of plot setup that, one again assumes, will pay off in the later books. There’s no cliffhanger ending (though until the last few chapters I was convinced there would be), and in fact this book manages to end satisfactorily instead of just abruptly cutting off. Mind you, it’s one of those “now all the pieces are in motion for the next volume” endings, but it could’ve been worse.

    Did I enjoy it? Well enough to keep reading it every night or so, but when I hit the end I was relieved rather than antsy for the next book. That’s not what we call “a good sign.” Oh, it’s well written, and the characters are fairly well fleshed out, and at the end I got the feeling that the plot from there on out will be rather interesting… but getting to that point took some doing. “Tedious” is one word that comes to mind.

    Your mileage may vary, but my basic recommendation is to wait for it in paperback and pick it up only if you’re committed to the fantasy genre and really need a complex bit of work to sink your teeth into.

    Shadowmarch website

  • NaNo begins

    I had an idea. That idea stuck with me for several months. It was, in fact, the idea from last year that I abandoned in favor of another idea, one that may or may not have worked out had I been in a better emotional state last November. Apparently I’ve abandoned it again, but that’s mainly because I still have no idea at all how to get from Point 0 to Point F.

    Then I had another idea about a week ago. It was cutesy, clever, and would’ve removed all obstacles of plotting from my path as it would’ve followed a tried-and-true genre-stereotypical route from start to finish. Alas, I simply couldn’t bring myself to actually write the thing. I have some pride left, after all.

    So here it is, the first of November, the start of National Novel Writing Month. I’m probably going to sit down this evening and wing it, though I did have a bit of inspiration on the bus ride to work this morning, mainly having to do with what part of last year’s effort was the most effective and easiest to write

    Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

  • Reason #14,015,864 not to websurf with Internet Explorer

    Gah. Argh. Just… grr. How many more gaping vicious nasty security holes will have to be discovered before I can either convince people that IE really is evil or I can relax about what browser people prefer around here because I can finally trust the thing?

    Why do I ask? Well, check this link out.

    New URL Spoofing Flaw Found

  • If this toy is sold, the terrorists will have won.

    I know that the roomie and my favorite local political blogger have both linked to it, but I just wanted to add my snarky two cents’ worth to the Toy Story.

    Check out this screenshot (warning, somewhat large image) from my visit to the article, and see if you can spot the delightfully ironic juxtaposition…

  • It’s the simple stuff that gets ya.

    Now, I adore our front desk crew. They’re hardworking, patient, smart and funny ladies. Every now and then, though, they run into trouble with operating their computers…

    *ring, ring*

    “Yes?”

    “My computer’s being funny.”

    “Okay.”

    “I can’t open email without it also opening MSN, and it won’t let me put in my password.”

    “Right. Be right there.”

    *walk to lobby, observe state of the desk in question, slide stack of books and paperwork three inches to the south*

    “There you go.”

    “Huh? What?”

    “You had stuff sitting on your keyboard.”

    *sounds of astonishment*

    I love my job. I wish all of my support calls were so simple to resolve!