Author: Karel Kerezman

  • I like my sea kittens battered and fried.

    In case you were wondering if PETA have completely lost their collective freaking mind, please permit me to present Exhibit #45,829-A, the Sea Kittens.

    People don’t seem to like fish.

    That depends upon how they’re prepared, I suppose.

    Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone.

    So… Nature has a PR team? Well now. Most of the marketing & PR types I’ve ever known like to hang out at sushi bars, which seems like a major conflict of interests in this case, doesn’t it?

    (And: Britney Spears? Really? You guys couldn’t even try to keep this idiocy timely in some fashion?)

    …We’re going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover.

    I have a clue for the folks at PETA: Small stupid scaly animals do not care about their “image.”

    (On another note, I know people who put metal into their heads for decorative purposes, so there goes that part of their argument.)

    And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

    Many people. Some call them… fishermen.

    Right. Like calling a fish by some cutesy name (let alone a creepy attempt at anthropomorphism) is going to eliminate from all humanity the urge to hook, net, gut and deep-fry those tasty critters. May I invite y’all to rejoin this little thing we call, “Reality”?

    Idiots.

  • Relieved

    I’m relieved, mostly. Not because I think that there’s some kind of monumental, fundamental shift in the life of the world going on because of tonight’s elections, but because I’m getting what I wanted: A chance to see if some of the worst abuses from the last few years can be turned around just a bit. There’ll still be screwups. They’re all politicians, after all. At least there’s a chance that I won’t want to cringe and/or beat my head against the wall every time the new guy speaks. That counts for a lot.

    I debated breaking my non-posting streak for this, especially since it’s going to be completely lost in the post-election noise, but I figured that I should get my meager thoughts down for posterity. This is supposed to be my journal, after all.

    So. I’m glad. I’m relieved.

    Now, can all of you jokers honking your horns along MLK please give it up? I’d like to get some sleep.

  • Does this mean that Dumbledore is Gandalf, or Saruman?

    I’ve stated over the years that I’m something of a dilettante. Among the interests in which I dabble you’ll find the fascinating field of etymology. Words are fun. History is interesting. Therefore, the history of words is an endless joy… to me, anyway. A case in point:

    Kyla and The Roomie and I were in the kitchen yesterday morning, eating and fixing breakfast respectively, and my eye chanced upon the cat food bag on a nearby windowsill. One of the featured fish caught my eye: Albacore tuna. For some reason I thought next about the albatross (and refrained from quoting Monty Python, I’ll have you know), at which point I mused aloud about the similarity in naming. “What does the ‘alba’ prefix mean?” I knew that it was going to bother me until I found out.

    Late last night I indulged in a few minutes’ research. Turns out that one of the sources of ‘alba-‘ is our old dead friend Latin, “albus” for white. Albacore? The “only tuna species which may be marketed as ‘white meat tuna’ in the United States.” Albatross? A mostly-white seagoing bird. (Granted, the etymology is a bit mixed here, being a weird morphing from an Arabic origin having to do with being a “diving bird” to a Latin-influenced final product.)

    Thus educated, I could sleep peacefully.

  • The Letter, Not The Intent

    The scenario: Working with one of our biggest vendors on the product that all of our techs (and several of our big clients) use every day on an annoying bug related to virus alert generation, I had to nudge our rep this morning because it’d been a week since any activity took place on the ticket other than a note that “this has been escalated to a feature specialist, you should receive an update shortly.”

    By the by, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve received that bit of tech support boilerplate then I could afford to take both of my girlfriends out to a very nice dinner, each. I’m in the habit lately of updating tickets solely to ask, “Is it SHORTLY yet?”

    Anyway. Our rep emailed back to say that he’d escalated us to the head of support, and that if I didn’t get some kind of response by the end of the day, I should notify him. Okay, great. I hate feeling like I have to play the squeaky wheel game, but at this point I just want the situation resolved. (For the curious: The antivirus system is detecting a false-positive “virus” file and generating two alerts into the system every two minutes for that lone file. We have to clear out thousands of alerts every day from the file… which, of course, I’ve left in place so the tech support guys can look at it!)

    Ten minutes ago I took a phone call from their support staff. No, he wasn’t on the phone to help me with the problem. He called to tell me that someone’s looking into the problem and that I’ll receive an update via email when things are resolved.

    Well then.

    So, I was contacted “by the end of the day,” considering that they’re on East Coast time and it’s coming up on 5pm there. Mission Accomplished. On the other hand… I just received the verbal equivalent of the email boilerplate!

    Do you ever get the feeling that you were being placated… badly?

  • Mary Sue Gets A Dragon, and other great stories

    Everyone’s going to link to this, and so am I. Check out Mighty God King Versus His Adolescent Reading Habits, Part One and Part Two.

    I’ll be honest: I read and loved (or at least liked) quite a few of the books/series that he’s poking fun at. I laughed my damned fool head off nonetheless. Relax, it’s funny. (I’ll add a language warning, though. The F-word makes an appearance, and so on.)

    There’s one modern ringer at the tail end of Part Two. I won’t spoil the surprise, but consider yourself fairly warned.

    EDIT: Well, naturally the site goes down within hours of this post going up. That’ll teach me to, you know, post stuff in my journal. Le sigh.

  • What’s another $38bil between friends?

    Man, I hate posting about current events. I keep up on them, mind you. I just don’t post about them very often, mainly because I don’t want to get into arguments with strangers on the Internet. I also don’t want to get into argument with friends on the Internet, come to think on it.

    With that said, I think I’ll take Two Lumps’ James L Grant’s recent post seriously. Here’s my humble rendition:

    In case you’re wondering whether the men in suits we’re “bailing out” with fantastic amounts of money that’s being devalued by the minute are doing their utmost to set things right again, the answer would appear not only to be NO but also HELL NO. First AIG parties like there’s no tomorrow on our collective dime, then they hit up the Fed for more money. Hell, guys, all you had to do was not blow your wad to begin with! Let’s hear it for rewarding irresponsible behaviour!

    I’m not (yet) in the doom-and-gloom camp, but this is the sort of thing that causes me to alternately weep for the future and froth with rage at the worlds of high finance and politics.

    For more of the frothing, I recommend reading Mr. Grant’s aforementioned post. Be warned that strong language awaits. I kind of agree with this bit, though:

    “I say we need to have these executives hauled into the streets like mad dogs and executed on national television.

    “All those in favor?”

    Aye.