Death! Explosions! Danger! Secrets! Oh my Goddess, We Need Tenchi!

Mihoshi: Ryoko! I thought you were Kagato’s prisoner!
Aeka: Feh. Now we can save Tenchi, since he dragged us all this way to save YOU.
Ryoko: *growl* *toss* Tenchi’s dead, as unlikely as that sounds. I will kill Kagato. Let’s go! AAAAAAA!
Sasami: Don’t die, Tenchi! Don’t die! I shall pray to this tree in the name of my true self and come to the rescue!
Aeka: Which way do we go?
Ryoko: All roads lead to Rome. Er, Kagato.
Mihoshi: Don’t leave me! Um. Guys?
Ryoko: Arrrgh! *zap!*
Aeka: Arrrgh! *blast!*
Mihoshi: Mwaaah! *pow* *pow* Mwaaah!
Kagato: I’ll pass the time by practicing on my organ. I call this piece, “Random Chords.”
*Light Hawk Wings ™* *wrap* *fade*
Aeka: Looks like we’re being invited onward.
Ryoko: Sure enough. It would be rude to decline.
Mihoshi: Um. Guys? Don’t leave me! Oops! *pop* What are you two, deaf? Wait up!
Kagato: So, what did you think of my music?
Aeka: Scumbag! *punch*
Kagato: Everybody’s a critic. Ow!
Ryoko: Gotcha. Whoops, shadow!
Kagato: Ryoko, you suck. Ha ha ha! You couldn’t tell the real me from my shadow self. Ha ha ha!
Ryoko: Aaaargh!
Kagato: You look good as a statue, Ryoko. Ha ha ha! Now, Aeka will give me the secret of Tsunami! Ha ha ha!
Mihoshi: This place is so weird. I’m all alone! I’ll just capture Kagato all by myself, and– MWAAH! Giant snakes!
Mihoshi: I hate snakes *kick* I really hate snakes *zap* Indiana Jones has nothing on my hatred of snakes *zap* you have the right to remain silent snakes *zap* you have the right to a snake attorney *zap* *pant* *pant*
*crack* *crack*
Mihoshi: Save me Rubix Cube, save meeeee!
*crack* *flash* *glare*
Mihoshi: Eep!
Washuu: Take it easy, you’re safe now. Thanks for setting me free by the way. Now let’s take a look at that Ryoko, shall we? That jerk tried to destroy her. Feh!
Mihoshi: And you are…?
Washuu: Geez, Ryoko, you’ve really let yourself go.
Ryoko: Excuse me? My body’s been in the same shape for 700 years, what do you think of THAT?!
Washuu: I think that’s no way to talk to your mother.
Ryoko: You said what?
Washuu: That’s right! I created you and Ryo-ohki and the Souja and all kinds of neat stuff.
Mihoshi: You must be that student who was captured by Kagato! See, I did pay attention to Yukinojo’s boring exposition!
Washuu: Student, hell. I’m Washuu, the universe’s greatest genius scientist!
Ryoko: Okay, so how do I get to Kagato?
Washuu: Don’t you want some more exposition describing the lovely Souja?
Ryoko: Some other time.
Washuu: Fine, you’ll get some exposition about our relationship instead. So there. Do you really have to think all those naughty thoughts about Tenchi all the time?
Ryoko: Grr. *fade*
Mihoshi: Hey, wait for us!
Washuu: We’re trapped here, Mihoshi. I just brought her astral body to the mirror world of Souja. Her physical body is still there, not trapped like we are.
Mihoshi: I don’t get it.
Washuu: I’ll try to contain my astonishment.
Aeka: Mwaah! I’m naked and trapped in a dream sequence with a pervert who looks like my brother! Help me! *zap*
Kagato: Tsunami protects her own, I see. Ouch!
Ryoko: There’s more where that came from. Let’s get it on.
Tenchi: Where am I? What’s going on? Who are you?
Tsunami: I am Tsunami. Pay no attention to the reflection of Sasami in the water. Are you ready to fight now?
Tenchi: I’m ready.
*zap* *crash* *boom* *zap*
Washuu: The fact that we can’t escape from this mirror world inside of Souja is proof of my genius!
*bang* *pow* *zap* *thud*
Mihoshi: Ooo, Ryoko’s impressive!
Washuu: She’s not using her full power… because Aeka would be killed. Interesting.
Kagato: Neat trick, Washuu. If you’re going to be that way about it, I’ll just unleash my greatest experiment. Ha ha ha! Admit it, you’re impressed. Ha ha ha!
Aeka: I forbid you to do this!
Kagato: Ha ha ha! As if, Princess. Ha ha ha!
Kagato: Ha! Just as I thought, the Tsunami unit.
*crash* *zap*
Kagato: Wha–? What’s happening?
*Light Hawk Wings ™*
Kagato: Hmm. In that case, I’ll use Ryoko’s energy to augment Souja. Too bad you won’t live to see me ruling the universe!
Kagato: Wha–?

Washuu/Aeka/Mihoshi/Ryoko: Tenchi!
Tenchi: Ta-da! Um, my leg’s stuck. How awkward.
  Guardians: Let us help! Oh wait, we suck.
Tenchi: Nevermind, I’m free now. Watch over Ryoko!
*slice* *grab* *bzzt*
Kagato: Stupid boy, the sword’s only a tool to channel power from Tsunami, and that’s being cut off by Souja.
*blast* *thud*
Tenchi: Ow.
Kagato: But with the sword here I now have all the gems. HA HA HA HA!
Aeka: Washuu, what can we do?
Mihoshi: That’s right, you created this ship! There must be something you can do!
Washuu: There’s only one thing we can do now. *clap* *clap* We can pray, real hard.
Tenchi: Oh wait! Thanks to a timely flashback I now know that the sword won’t help me! *toss*
Ryoko: Please, Kagato, spare Tenchi!
Kagato: Okay, I get it, we all get it, you love Tenchi. Well, at least you can die together.
*zap!* *boom!*
Kagato: …the hell?
Washuu: The boy generates Light Hawk Wings ™! Hot damn!
Kagato: Arrgh! Die!
*zap* *slice* *clang* *bzzt*
Kagato: Tenchi. Same name as the master key. Well done, Tsunami. Urk!
Washuu: That does it, I’m joining the cast for good! That was so cool!
  Ryoko/Aeka/Mihoshi: Yay, Tenchi!
Ryo-ohki: Meow! (Translation: “Boy could I go for some carrots right about now. Don’t ask how I got here or where I’ve been, okay?”)
Sasami: Oh Tenchi, it was so scary! And don’t ask how I got here or where I’ve been, okay?
Ryoko: Good grief.
Washuu: I guess the spaceship was cut in half. *shrug*
  All: Let’s get out of here!
  Guardians: Here we are, reduced to the role of talking mailboxes. Thanks for watching, everybody! The chaos in the house behind us is perfectly normal. Stay tuned for more adventures with Tenchi and the gang, okay? Bye bye now!