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TMTT 05

The action gets cr-ay-zee this episode. Guard your daughters and lock up your livestock as Kagato Attacks!

Tenchi: When did I become a carrot farmer? Oh yeah, when Ryo-ohki joined the household.
Ryo-ohki: Meow meoow! (Translation: “Damn right, lowly human. Now get back to work. More carrots, damn you!”)
Ryoko: Hey Aeka, come share a drink with me.
Aeka: Oh, alright. We might as well have some sort of bonding moment now so our comradeship will make sense later on.
Ryoko: And I can tell everyone about what Tenchi was like as a little boy. The girls in the audience will eat that stuff up like Ryo-ohki devours carrots.
Aeka: You’re still an old monster, though. I’m so youthful by comparison, if comparing thousands to mere hundreds of years is a fair comparison.
Ryoko: So much for the bonding moment. Waaaah!
Mihoshi: May I barge in?
  Ryoko/Aeka: No.
*time passes*
Mihoshi: …and I know now that it was destiny that dropped me into Tenchi’s arms that day!
  Ryoko/Aeka:
Sasami: Whoah, it reeks in here! Did you guys _swim_ in the sake or just drink a barrelful of it?
Ryo-ohki: Mrow, meow! (Translation: “Heads up, playtime’s over!”)
Kagato: I’ve found you, Ryoko. *zap!*
Ryoko: Augh!
*flash* *crash*
Mihoshi: According to the blinking light on my bracelet, we’re dealing with the criminal known as Kagato!
Kagato: Thank you, Miss Exposition. Come, all, and bask in the glow of my evilness.
Mihoshi: On behalf of the moon, I shall punish you! *bang* *bang*
Kagato: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! I mock your authority. Ha ha ha!
Mihoshi: Mwah! *click* *click*
Kagato: Let’s go to my place, the Souja. Ha ha ha! And “get to know” one another. Ha ha ha!
Tenchi: Back off, scuzball.
Kagato: Put the King’s sword away before you hurt yourself. Ha ha ha! Don’t you know if you do that too much you’ll go blind? Ha ha ha!
Ryoko: Don’t give him the sword, Tenchi!
Kagato: Well, well, what have we here? *zap*
Ryoko: Urk!
Kagato: Are you worthy of that sword?
Tenchi: What kind of question is that?
Kagato: I’ll repeat myself. Are you worthy of that sword? Let’s find out.
*zap* *clang* *whoosh* *splash* *thud*
Kagato: You suck, kid. I’ll just take that sword now–
*flash*
Grandfather: Are you playing with something that doesn’t belong to you?
Kagato: I know you. Give me the secret of ultimate power!
Grandfather: Bugger off.
*slice* *parry* *cut* *leap* *thrust* *slice* *jab*
Kagato: Nice moves.
*zap* *zap* *zap*
Grandfather: What a coward, using Ryoko as your shield.
*jump* *slice* *zap*
Tenchi: Help Ryoko, Grandfather! Don’t hurt her!
*shield* *parry* *grab* *slice* *throw*
Grandfather: Neener neener! I don’t have the sword now!
Kagato: What are you, stupid? *grab* *ZAP!* OWWWW! Oh, the pain, the pain…
Grandfather: Sucks to be you, paleface.
Kagato: Fine. We’ll just take this battle elsewhere. And my dear puppet Ryoko is coming with me. *fade*
Aeka: You’re my brother Yosho!
Yosho: Well, duh. But since you insist, I’ll toss out some exposition about Juraiian dynastic succession. Happy now?
Tenchi: So you’re Yosho, from the legend.
Yosho: You’re almost as dense as she is. Yes, I’m Yosho, and that makes you Crown Prince of Jurai somehow. *shrug* Aeka, I didn’t realize you were hell-bent on marrying me. We still could if you like!
Aeka: Feh! As if, old man! *kick*
Yosho: Well, then marry Tenchi. He’s the right age and all that. Besides, you’re only cousins instead of half-siblings.
Tenchi: Um. *blush*
Aeka: Um. *blush*
Mihoshi: This is so cute and touching and moving and stuff! Waaah!
Ryo-ohki: Meow. (Translation: “Get a grip, bubblehead.”)
Tenchi: Okay, I need to rescue Ryoko.
Aeka: Does that mean we have to postpone the wedding?
Yosho: The sword is yours, Tenchi. And you have a power as yet untapped. How I know this is anybody’s guess.
Tenchi: Right. I understand. How I do so is anybody’s guess.
*grab* *zap* *whoosh*
Tenchi: Okay. Now how do we go into space and rescue Ryoko?
Ryo-ohki: Meow mrow meoow! (Translation: “How easily you forget, silly boy.”) *transform*
Tenchi: Well, that’ll work.
Kagato: Here they come, hell-bent on rescuing the defective Ryoko. Laughable.
Ryoko: I resemble that remark.
Kagato: Ha ha ha! I’d stay and mock you some more, Ryoko, but I’m going to go prepare a warm welcome for our guests. Ha ha ha!
Ryoko: Kagato, if you hurt Tenchi I am SO VERY going to kick your ass from here to Jurai and back.
*zap* *pow* *boom!* *crash*
Kagato: I built that ship, it can’t do anything that would surprise me.
Mihoshi: Hmm, what does THIS do?
Kagato: Wha–? I’m so surprised! It must be the boy’s sword.
Mihoshi: *hiccup* Getting drunk with the computer unit seemed like the thing to do… *hiccup*
Tenchi: Well, this sucks. How about I go to your part of the ship and attack?
Aeka: Sure, why not?
*teleport*
Aeka: Now open the Light Hawk Wings ™.
Tenchi: The what?
Aeka: The special Jurai plot device. You’ll be seeing a lot of them for a while. For now just know that it’s a shield we use on Jurai ships.
Tenchi: Whatever! Just tell me what to do.
*Light Hawk Wings ™*
Kagato: Oooo, pretty.
Tenchi: AAAAAAAAA!
*megazap* *megablast* *megaboom*
Kagato: Mwaahahahahahahaha!
Aeka: Tenchi? Tenchi? Tenchi! Tenchi? Tenchi?
Ryoko: Aaargh! *shatter* Tenchi? Tenchi? Tenchi! Tenchi? *sob* Kagato… prepare for an asskicking the likes of which God has never seen.

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