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TMTT 04

(Editorial note, November 2006: This isn’t exactly the strongest entry in my little series of parodies. I apologize. If I get the urge, or enough encouragement, I’ll try to spruce this one up a bit.)

We’re still adding characters and notching up the fanservice quotient. Watch as Mihoshi Falls To The Land Of Stars.

  Spock: All ships, fire at that gigantic spaceship!
*pow* *zap* *BOOM*
  Spock: Aaaargh!
*boom. boom boom boom. boom. have a nice day.*
  Marshal: Commander, the ultra-badass criminal known as Kagato is back and on his way to the Solar System. Deal with it.
  Commander: Who’s assigned to the Solar System?
  Aide: Mihoshi, sir.
  Commander: *splutter* Mihoshi? Damn. Is it too early in the episode to point out what a useless numbwit she is?
  Aide: I have a plan, Commander, that may take care of Mihoshi and all of those bills she’s accrued…
Mihoshi: A call for me? *splash* *bang* *bonk* Ow! *thud* *crash* Coming! *squeak*
  Aide: Mihoshi, you suck.
Mihoshi: Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
  Aide: You’re a mess! Just look at yourself!
Mihoshi: You mean, as in fanservice sir?
  Aide: No comment. The criminal known as Kagato is headed your way, Mihoshi, and–
Mihoshi: And I’m going to capture him, got it!
  Aide: That’s not what–
*click*
Yukinojo: I suppose if you’re going to do this I should brief you a little bit about this Kagato. Besides, up until now there hasn’t been so much as a hint of foreshadowing about this guy so I have to bring everyone up to speed.
Mihoshi: *yawn* Whatever. Why can’t this Rubix Cube get me a cup of coffee?
Yukinojo:
Tenchi: And I got stuck carrying all of this luggage, why?
Ryoko: I could help.
Tenchi: By getting OFF THE LUGGAGE, yeah! I want you to behave while we’re guests here.
Ryoko: Why am I the only one getting this lecture?
Tenchi: You have to ask?
Ryoko: I see how it is, you can flirt with Aeka and not with me?
*whoosh* *thud*
Tenchi: Talk about your emotional baggage.
*rimshot*
Noboyuki: Tenchi, you shall now be instructed in the ancient and honorable art of peeping.
Tenchi: Dad! Sheesh.
Ryoko: Well, hello there.
Noboyuki: Mwaah! *splash*
Ryoko: There you are, Tenchi! What are you doing down there? C’mon up to our pool.
Tenchi: I refuse to be nothing more than an excuse for gratuitous fanservice!
Ryoko: Too late. *fade* There, isn’t our bath much nicer?
Tenchi: *nosebleed*
Ryoko: Now now, you’ve seen me naked before, remember?
Tenchi: There’s a world of difference between a naked dessicated mummy and, er…
Sasami: Hey you two! Oh Aeka, come out!
Aeka: Where did you learn such poor manners? Oh right, that Ryoko woman.
Sasami: Hi, Aeka… um…
Aeka: You could have told me Tenchi was out there.
Sasami: And spoil the fun? Dream on, sis.
Ryoko: Get your butt out here, party-pooper. *fade*
Aeka:
Tenchi:
Ryoko: *growl* *pluck*
Aeka: Mwaaah! *splash*
Tenchi: Mwaaah! *nosebleed*
Sasami: Tenchi, are you okay? You’re really pale, and your nose is bleeding. YOU’RE A NAUGHTY BOY, AREN’T YOU!
Tenchi: Well, er, yes. *blub*
Sasami: The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.
Ryoko: Now Aeka, let’s debate the merit of casual nudity while giving millions of fanboys an eyeful.
*slap* *slap slap* *growl*
Tenchi: I’d break this up, but I’m a wuss. And I’ve lost too much blood.
Aeka: I’ll ante up with some floating blocks of wood.
Ryoko: I’ll see your blocks and raise you a teleportation and a punch in the face.
Aeka: Ouch! Is that the best you can do?
Ryoko: Hardly. Now I’ll summon a demon to entertain you. Um. Oh hell, I can’t control the demon!
Aeka: You’re right, Ryoko, this IS entertaining. Um. Mwaah!
Ryoko: Tenchi, stop dawdling and go get your sword!
Yukinojo: Mihoshi, you should know that… um, Mihoshi? Pay attention. We’re falling towards a strange energy pocket on the planet below!
Mihoshi: And.. that’s a bad thing, right?
Tenchi: I’ve got the sword, where’s the monster?
*boom!* *crash*
Tenchi: Nevermind. Now I just have to remember how to use this stupid sword. Why couldn’t I have been given a lightsaber instead?
  Demon: Rawr! *thwap*
Tenchi: Well, that was pointless. Hmm? What’s that up in the sky?
*whoosh* *zap* *pow* *whirl*
  Ryoko/Aeka/Sasami: Tenchi!
*whoosh* *bump* *catch*
Tenchi: Waaaaaaah! *splash*
Mihoshi: Um, where am I? Who are you? And where is my…?
Ryoko: Your bracelet? I fixed it for you, little miss Galaxy Police officer.
Mihoshi: Um, thank you, um, wow. Does that mean you’re a… a… jeweler?
Ryoko: *blink* Where’s my dictionary? I want to see if this girl’s picture is next to the entry for “ditz.”
Mihoshi: Ah! My bracelet indicates that the dangerous space pirate Ryo-ohki is nearby!
Ryo-ohki: Meow! (Translation: “You really are too stupid for words, aren’t you?”)
Mihoshi: Is this… is this…?
Sasami: This is Ryo-ohki! Cute, huh?
Ryo-ohki: *chomp*
Mihoshi: Ryo-ohki? Could you please not eat my gun? *faint*
*begin dream sequence* *tree* *sasami* *souja* *kagato*
Sasami: Tsunami, please help me!
*kagato* *ripples* *end dream sequence*
Ryo-ohki: Mrrrowr! (Translation: “Bring it on, Kagato.”)
Kagato: Get a load of my huge organ! Ha ha ha! But seriously, I have arrived. Ha ha ha! I’m evil, get it? Ha ha ha!

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