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TMTT 02

Back by popular demand, it’s more of Tenchi Muyo Thumbnail Theater! Sit back and enjoy Here Comes Ayeka! (Side note: I’ve always spelled it “Aeka” but I’m keeping faith with the titles printed on the OAV box set. To quote the sorcerer Beldin, “Consistency is the defense of a small mind.”)

Aeka: Ah, I’ve finally reached Earth. Now I can look up that dead-beat half-brother of mine so I can marry him.
  Guardians: We don’t know about Yosho, but we did detect Ryoko on the planet.
Aeka: Well, I’ll settle for dragging her and Ryo-ohki back to Jurai for trial.
  Guardians: Too bad the statute of limitations on planet piracy runs out right about… now. Sucks to be you, Aeka.
Aeka: Sez you. I’m not going to let petty legal issues stand in the way of my vendetta!
Ryoko: Now, I want your balls please.
Tenchi: You said WHAT?
Ryoko: Jewels, balls, whatever. Those round things on your sword hilt, dummy.
Tenchi: You think I’m going to let you resurrect ANOTHER legendary monster? I don’t think so.
Ryoko: The monster approaching is much, much worse…
Noboyuki: Tenchi’s making a lot of noise. Instead of politely asking what’s going on, I should definitely peep into his room first… OH MY!
Ryoko: A trigger-happy harpy is on her way, Tenchi. Give me those jewels now!
Aeka: *sneeze* Are my ears burning, or is it just hot in here?
Noboyuki: I justify my voyeurism in the name of monitoring my son’s sexual development! What a proud and loving parent I am.
Aeka: Ryoko, come out come out wherever you are!
*zap* *boom!*
Tenchi: I’m sold. Here’s a jewel, Ryoko.
Ryoko: Only one? Bastard. Oh well, it’ll do for now. Hey, Ryo-ohki, time to play!
Ryo-ohki: Meeee-ooooowwww!
Tenchi: Um, and WHY did you have to shrink my house? Sheesh.
  Guardians: You have bigger things to worry about, Earthling. *slurp*
Aeka: So, Ryoko, shall we engage in sadomasochistic foreplay? We want to give those fanfic writers and doujinshi artists plenty of ideas…
Ryoko:
*zap!*
Ryoko: Hey, that tickles! You need to get out more, Princess.
Aeka: Bite me, pirate. *ZAP!*
Ryoko: Okay, OW that hurts. You’ve made your point, you little sadist. If you want to know about the sword, why don’t you ask Tenchi?
Aeka: Why should I talk to the sword?
Ryoko: Ah, plot point. The sword is also named Tenchi. I’m sure that’s not significant in any way.
Tenchi: Hmm. Where’s that darned Ryoko? Oh well, I might as well make my escape by… slicing tiny gouges out of the plant limbs.
Sasami: Or you could earn your freedom by playing a prank on my sister for me.
Tenchi: And you are…?
Sasami: The cute little urchin with the key to your cell. Boy are you slow.
Tenchi: Point taken.
Aeka: *sigh*
  Yosho-hologram: Help me, Obi-wan. Er, *cough* *cough*. Hey, half-sister, sorry to bail on you but I have to, um, chase an evil space pirate. Yeah, that’s it. Don’t worry, we’ll still really get married when I come back. Eventually. Honest.
Aeka: Except you didn’t come back, and here I am practically a spinster! I really should stop playing that hologram. It’s depressing.
Sasami: I never knew Earth boys could be so gullible. This should be fun!
Tenchi: With catlike tread / Upon our prey we steal / In silence dread / Our cautious way we feel…
Tenchi: Hey, she’s got my sword! Sheesh, I seem to be getting in bed with a lot of alien hotties. There are worse jobs, I guess.
Aeka: Wha-? Hey, if I wanted some clumsy Earth male in my bed I’d have summoned one! I was doing just fine with this sword, thank you. Now shove off!
Tenchi: It’s not what you think! Mwaaah!
Aeka: How quickly he runs. No matter. Guardians! Obliterate him!
  Guardians: Ex-ter-mi-nate, Ex-ter-mi-nate, EX-TER-MI-NATE!
Sasami: Boy was that fun! Quick, carry me over there!
Tenchi: Picking you up was a serious lapse of judgement.
Sasami: Shush, and introduce me to the old woman we captured along with you.
Ryoko: If you weren’t so damned cute and adorable I’d blast you into another dimension, squirt.
Sasami: Ow, okay, whatever. Hey Tenchi, how about some exposition?
Tenchi: Oh, right! We haven’t dropped enough blatant hints about where the series is going yet, have we? Or would you rather have a demonstration of my inexplicable connection with the sword?
Aeka: The master key reacts to you! How inexplicable!
Ryoko: Wonderful. Now we’ve settled that, can we leave?
Aeka: Over my dead body!
Ryoko: You know THAT can be arranged, Princess. Right now I’ll settle for tearing up your ship. Ryo-ohki!
Ryo-ohki: Meeeeeoooooowww! *rumble* *tear*
Sasami: Bye bye Tenchi.
Ryoko: Alright, let’s pulverize Aeka!
Tenchi: That’s not very nice!
Ryoko: And you’re under some sort of delusion that I’m nice?
Tenchi: Right. What WAS I thinking?
Aeka: Ryoko! Stop playing chicken with the planet! Please!
Ryoko: Tee hee!
*crash* *splash*
  All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!
*splash* *thud* *boom!*
Noboyuki: Cheer up, Tenchi! We’re finally done establishing the basic premise for the series! Shame about that bridge, though.
Tenchi: Whatever, dad. I’m not sure how much of this I’m going to be able to take before I snap.
Ryoko: And you have me to thank for your safe landing, if you ignore the fact that without me none of this would have happened in the first place.
Sasami: Sez you, lady.
Aeka: I’d join you all for breakfast but I’m too busy going into denial about this whole situation. I want my spaceship! I want to leave this planet! I want my mommy! *sob*

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