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TMTT 13

With a dash of backstory, a cup of silliness, three tablespoons of foreshadowing and a bonus slice of unanimated ancillary footage, nothing tastes quite like the final episode of the original Tenchi series: Here Comes Jurai.

  Aide: For the sake of adding some mystery to the proceedings, I’m going to reveal to the audience that I’m a secret agent for Jurai within the Galaxy Police. Mihoshi’s report on the Kagato incident goes to Jurai, while I have two hours to make something up to give to my superiors. Enjoy the show, folks! It’s the last one for a long, long while…
  Funaho: Excuse me, young man. Is the priest in?
Tenchi: Er, um. I’ll go get him. *scamper*
Aeka: Funaho! Does this mean…?
  Funaho: Yes, it does.
Aeka: Eep! *scamper*
Yosho: Tenchi! What’s this noise all about? *gasp* Mother…
Tenchi: …?
*ding, dong*
Sasami: Ryoko, I can’t get the door right now.
Ryoko: Okay, okay.
  Misaki: SASAMI! *squeeze* Oh, Sasami!
Ryoko: Urk. I’m… not… Sasami…
  Misaki: Oh, Sasami, your hair is in such terrible shape! What have you done?
Ryoko: Again… I’m… not… Sasami…
  Misaki: And your eyes are so mean… *sob*
Ryoko: Ow. I’m not Sasami. Ow.
Sasami: Sorry to have troubled you, Ryoko, thanks for getting the door… Eep! It’s my mommy!
  Misaki: Huh? *slam* Oh, Sasami!
Sasami: Oh, mommy!
Ryoko: Oh, the pain.
Aeka: *pant* Ah, there you are.
  Misaki: Oh, Aeka!
Aeka: Er. It’s so good to see you, my dear mother. Did you have a safe journey?
  Misaki: Hmm? *frown*
Aeka: Hmm. Ryoko… I’m about to do something silly and embarassing. Out of the kindness of my heart, I warn you not to laugh.
Ryoko: Ooooookay.
Aeka: I warned you. Ahem. MY MOMMY!
Ryoko: Eh? *thud*
  Misaki: Oh, my little Aeka!
Ryoko: Oh, this is too precious! A-hahahaha!
  Misaki: *glare*
Ryoko: Oops.
  Misaki: Nobody mocks my little Aeka.
Ryoko: Ow. Please let me go.
Aeka: I DID warn you.
Sasami: Here, read this sign!
Ryoko: Ooooookay. “I’m sorry, pretty young lady.”
  Misaki: Oh! That’s more like it. *hug*
Ryo-ohki: Meeeooow. (Translation: “That’s the LAST time I stay out all night doing carrot mixer shots.”)
  Misaki: *shove* Oh, how CUTE!
Ryoko: Ow. Don’t mind me, I’m just dying here.
Yosho: Have some tea, mother.
  Funaho: So. How long did you think you could fool me with that disguise?
Yosho: Never could fool you, could I? *shimmer* Look, I’m young again!
  Funaho: That Tenchi is something else.
Yosho: I thought I could send him to Jurai instead of going myself.
  Funaho: I’m sure that’s a splendid idea. Did you know that we received a report from the Galaxy Police?
Yosho: I knew as soon as Ryoko was resurrected that you’d be showing up sooner or later. What took you so long? Mihoshi’s report was submitted months ago.
  Funaho: Mihoshi wrote the granddaddy of all reports. It took a while. The King of Jurai will be here soon.
Yosho: Great, dad’s coming. A Jurai investigative tribunal disguised as a family reunion. How nice.
  Funaho: Missing ships, missing trees of Jurai include your Funaho, Aeka’s Ryu-oh and of course Sasami’s ship.
Yosho: You’re wondering about my appearance, why Tsunami had to do this.
  Funaho: Mihoshi’s very thorough report also includes the fact that Ryoko’s gems were embedded in the Master Key.
Yosho: The gems seem to have the same kind of power as our Jurai power, which is keeping my tree and I alive.
  Funaho: The facts all point to one thing. Ryoko should be able to generate Light Hawk Wings ™.
Yosho: Ah. You came to get Washuu.
  Funaho: WE came to check in on YOU. You never call, you never write!
Yosho: Um, er, ah… I meant to, and…
  Funaho: Well, you just don’t care anymore…
Yosho: Nice guilt trip, mom. I’ll have Tenchi show you to the house.
  Funaho: I’m sorry to hear that your mother died when you were young. You’re not lonely now, though, are you?
Tenchi: Er, no. It’s too crowded.
  Funaho: If we take the girls home, you’ll be lonely… unless you come with us!
Tenchi: Huh?
Washuu: Tenchi…
  Funaho: Huh?
Washuu: *snicker* How do you do, Funaho, Queen of Jurai? My name is Washuu!
  Funaho: Pleased to meet you, “young Washuu.” *smirk*
Washuu: Hmm. Here, Tenchi, go take this home now. Go on now.
Tenchi: Um. Okay.
Washuu: Okay, Lady Funaho. Let’s get started.
  Funaho: Just one thing. Could you call me… Little Funaho?
Washuu: Ack! That Mihoshi… she even put THAT in her report?
  Funaho: I’m going to dispense with exposition in favor of mystery. You know why we’re here, so what is your answer?
Washuu: It’s “no.”
Tenchi: I’m home!
  Misaki: Oh! *hug* You’re so cute!
Aeka: Mother, hands off!
Ryoko: Yeah, what do you think you’re doing?
  Misaki: Girls, girls… I care about you all!
  Aeka/Ryoko: She’s hopeless.
Tenchi: So, um, that’s your mother?
Sasami: Yep. That’s mom. *sigh*
  Funaho: …so, if just anyone could create those gems we could be in serious trouble.
Washuu: And this is my problem, why? *giggle* Tell you what: I won’t create any more Ryokos or gems. Happy?
  Funaho: Overjoyed! Thank you!
Washuu: And please… call me Little Washuu! If you wanna acheive your goal, you’ll have to force me.
  Funaho: The #1 genius scientist, the rest of this menagerie including the boy who can create Light Hawk Wings ™. If I’m not afraid of all that…?
Washuu: Mihoshi alone will do… mind you, I’m not saying WHAT she’ll do. This whole episode is about raising more questions than we answer, after all.
  Funaho: Are we done being cryptic now?
Washuu: Just about. That great-grandson of yours is something else, isn’t he?
Sasami: Auntie Funaho! *hug*
  Misaki: Oh, Washuu! *hug*
Washuu: Hmm. She reminds me of someone. I’m sure it’s not important in any way.
  Azusa: *shimmer* Hmm.
Sasami: Father!
Aeka: Father, this is Tenchi.
  Azusa: Hmph. Aeka! Sasami! We’re going home.
Aeka: Whaaaat? But, but, he’s Yosho’s grandson!
  Azusa: Yosho got married to that… that Earth woman, against my wishes. Hmph.
  Funaho: What’s this about Earth women? Hmmmm?
  Azusa: Um. Well. Dear, you’re _different_…
  Funaho: Go on, stick the OTHER foot in.
  Azusa: Uhhh. Uhhh. Hmm. Aeka! I have already chosen a suitable fiancee for you.
Aeka: But… but…
Ryoko: That’s right, Aeka, listen to your daddy!
Aeka: Grr.
Ryoko: Grr.
  Azusa: *grumble* Sasami. You are coming home, aren’t you?
Sasami: I would like to stay as well, father. And if you force me, I will hate you forever. So there. Hmph.
Ryo-ohki: Meow? (Translation: “Maybe now’s a good time for my Meow Mix Song.”)
  Azusa: Um, huh?
Ryo-ohki: *sob*
  Funaho: Now now, that was a lovely performance little one. Wasn’t it? (Ahem.)
  Azusa: Er, right. Very nice. Best I’ve ever seen.
Ryo-ohki: Meow!
  Funaho: I think the girls want to stay.
  Azusa: Girls? Do you really want to stay?
Aeka: Well, um, duh.
Sasami: I have to stay. These lazy butts won’t get fed properly if I leave.
  Azusa: Fine. You can stay… IF this boy can beat the fiancee I chose for Aeka in a duel!
Tenchi: You said what?
  Seiryu: Oh, here I am! Aren’t I pretty?
Aeka: …?
  Seiryu: Princess Aeka, you look just fabulous. And, I’m not gay.
  Tenchi Gang: *blank stare*
  Azusa: If the boy wins, you girls can do as you please.
Sasami: Yay, Tenchi! I’m rooting for you!
Aeka: Yay, Tenchi! You can do it!
Ryoko: No, Tenchi! Don’t do it!
  Misaki: Oh, Ryoko… there’s the matter of this bill. You know, for the damage you did on planet Jurai? We could waive it all if…
Ryoko: *grab* *crumple* Yay, Tenchi! Win this fight for me!
Tenchi: Gee, no pressure.
  Seiryu: What a waste of time, this is SO one-sided. Oh well, the King commands it. And, I’m not gay.
Tenchi:
  Seiryu: Princess Aeka and Pretty Sammy… er, the pretty Princess Sasami are stuck in this dump? Waaah! And, I’m not gay.
Tenchi: Oh, give it a rest.
  Misaki: Say, dear… how long do you think it’ll take Tenchi to defeat Seiryu?
  Azusa: Feh.
  Misaki: So, how big was that wager, you say?
Aeka: Of course Tenchi will win.
Sasami: Yay, Tenchi!
Ryoko: Tenchi for sure.
  Funaho: Who are you betting on, Washuu?
Washuu: Mihoshi.
  Seiryu: You are no match for me. You should give up now. And, I’m not gay.
Tenchi: Um.
  Seiryu: You want to concede? That’s a wise idea.
Tenchi: No, you don’t get it.
  Seiryu: Don’t worry, I will be merciful.
Tenchi: *pointing*
Sasami: Umbrellas, everybody!
*fwap* *fwap* *fwap* *fwap* *SPLASH!*
Sasami: Are you alright, Tenchi?
Tenchi: Um.
Mihoshi: *sobbing* I broke my ship again, Washuu… Waah!
  Funaho: Sorry about all the trouble, Tenchi.
  Misaki: Goodbye, each and every one of you! *hug* *hug* *hug* (etc.)
  Azusa: Yosho, take good care of Aeka and Sasami.
Yosho: Tenchi will take care of them.
  Azusa: Hmph. Yosho… I can wait another 2000 years for you to decide. I leave figuring out what you’re supposed to be deciding as an exercise for the viewer, of course.
  All: Goodbye, goodbye!
Tenchi: Whew.
  Guardians: We’re stuck here. Figures.
  Misaki: That went well. I think Tenchi’s growing on him.
  Funaho: Tenchi’s got his hands full as it is.
  Azusa: Tenchi hasn’t won yet. I’ll be back! Aaa-hahahaha!
*end credits*
Mihoshi: Miss Washuu… Miss Washuu..
Washuu: Did you want something?
Mihoshi: You’re playing doctor with Ryoko instead of Tenchi? Cool.
Washuu: I’m warning you, Mihoshi. Don’t touch… ack!
*crash*
Washuu: So, how about we get on with the follow-up exposition?
Mihoshi: Um, why are we doing this bit in still frames?
Washuu: The animators ran out of money. Now get with the gossip, blondie!
Mihoshi: Okay! Blah blah blah Doctor Clay blah blah blah.
Washuu: Tee hee! Blah blah blah cheap replica pottery blah blah 20,000 years ago blah blah blah.
Mihoshi: Blah blah Tokimi blah blah Doctor Clay’s memory blah blah.
Washuu: As I suspected. The same memory loss exists in Zero, I mean Ryoko.
Mihoshi: *yawn* G’nite Washuu, Ryoko…
Washuu: Blah blah powerful memory protection mechanism blah blah. I think I’ll go to bed too. *fade*
Ryoko: Washuu! Hey! You gonna leave me tied up here, mostly naked? WASHUU!
  Avatar: Lady Tokimi, I’ve blocked Clay’s and Zero’s memories as you asked. If the blocks are removed, someone could come here.
Tokimi: Don’t worry. There won’t be another OVA series for at least another decade. Oh, and mystery guest Z? Don’t fight the boy. Well, at least for another decade or so…
Ryoko: Mommy? *sob* Please!
Washuu: Tee hee! She’s so cute. And I’ve got it all on tape! Ah, the joys of motherhood. What a way to end the series, eh folks? See you in ten years or so!
Ryoko: Don’t leave me here! Mommy! Waaah!

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