I approach forty years old. I’ll never again be that silly lad filled with nervous excitement, constantly seeking out new sights and experiences. I understand that, and accept it. C’mon: That kid was annoying, most of the time.

I don’t, however, like how far I’ve come from the days when I could dream, create, reach out and share. What have I done lately? The summer music project was, by almost any measure, a complete bust. My notable accomplishment there was in actually finishing the silly thing, but I couldn’t even continue as I meant to at the beginning, with the voice recording and music beds and clever stuff.

I need to recapture at least some of my former enthusiasm for life. The last few years were rough, but I’d hate to think that a divorce and being unemployed and getting older are enough to flatten my joie de vivre.

I believe that the first part of getting my life back involves sharing and connecting. That gregarious fellow who made good friends hither and yon seems to have disappeared, and I’d like to reclaim some of that lost life and skill. I can only do so much with the schedule I live with, mind you.

Once again, I need to put some priority into keep this silly website updated. There was a time when I posted several times a week, regularly! Can you imagine it? Do you know what else? I used to reply to email messages! I used to write email messages to people out of the blue, just to say hello and ask how they’re doing!

Yeah, I know. I can’t believe it either, anymore.

So. One more time, trying to carry on the fight against winding down. Can I do it, this time?

I’m relieved, mostly. Not because I think that there’s some kind of monumental, fundamental shift in the life of the world going on because of tonight’s elections, but because I’m getting what I wanted: A chance to see if some of the worst abuses from the last few years can be turned around just a bit. There’ll still be screwups. They’re all politicians, after all. At least there’s a chance that I won’t want to cringe and/or beat my head against the wall every time the new guy speaks. That counts for a lot.

I debated breaking my non-posting streak for this, especially since it’s going to be completely lost in the post-election noise, but I figured that I should get my meager thoughts down for posterity. This is supposed to be my journal, after all.

So. I’m glad. I’m relieved.

Now, can all of you jokers honking your horns along MLK please give it up? I’d like to get some sleep.

As some of my friends and readers know, I’ve been batting around the idea of doing an Autumn Writing Project in the same general vein as my Summer Music Project. That’s great and all, but let’s take a look at my writing output for 2008 so far.

Go ahead, check out the archives for the past dozen months or so. It won’t take long.

One of the goals I set myself was to avoid creating a guaranteed failure situation. Which is to say, I don’t want to (yet again) begin something that I know I can’t actually finish, then beat myself up because I don’t finish it. Self-perpetuating negativity should be avoided, yes?

So. The project isn’t dead, but it’s on hold indefinitely until I can accomplish something else that’s been nagging me for quite a while now: I want to get back into the habit of writing here again. Once I’ve proven that I can actually write on a regular basis and at a consistent level of quality, then I’ll think about taking on something a bit more challenging.

And that’s how I’m turning a morose and dreary Monday mindset into something a bit more positive. Go, me!

Every now and then I find myself bothered by the fact that I can’t connect with individuals from among the vast sea of humanity. I’m not talking about a particular kind of connection, rather about anything beyond the most fleeting and superficial minute or two of small talk in passing. My lack of common ground with almost everyone I meet forms the basis of the problem, undoubtedly. Allow me to collate, if not elucidate, via this incomplete yet extensive list:

I am not (in no particular order) a drinker, smoker, taker of drugs, religious believer, fan of sitcoms or reality television or the evening news or sports, dedicated follower of fashion, fitness nut, vegetarian, vegan, organic foodie, artist, musician, home owner, licensed driver, owner of a vehicle, golfer, tattooed person, early adopter, member of a political party, activist, punk, rocker, goth, businessman, hippie, gun enthusiast, iPod owner, hacker, student, teacher, scholar, devotee of the classics in literature or music or film, indie snob, dom, sub, fetishist, or financial investor.

That’s not to say I have anything against most of those categories (with some notable exceptions), merely that these are things I simply cannot relate to. Those people and I have nothing to talk about.

Let’s be clear: I am some pretty damned cool things. I’m a father, for instance, which is among the best things in my life. I’m a boyfriend twice over, and I’d have to be a lunatic to gripe about that. I’m a skeptical free-thinking computer-techie grammar-geek animation-fan dilettante, and I like it that way. The problem lies in the fact that the masses see me as boring… and more often than not, the feeling is mutual.

So be it, I suppose.

Two unusual things happened this morning.

I stopped down, after I caught up on my forum reading, to make some long-awaited changes to AEIOU. Scheduling isn’t my strong suit so things tend to get done when I happen to have a bit of free time and I actually remember things need doing.

I remembered, upon getting into the shower, that this isn’t a workday and I don’t need to rush through things quite so much. I forget that, most weekend mornings, and just run on autopilot. Instead, this morning’s shower took as long as I felt like taking. I feel not only clean but also relaxed and rejuvenated. What a change of pace!

And that’s enough about me being naked for one journal post, isn’t it?

There’s a nervous, frantic quality to most of what I do. Already a naturally high-strung individual, in the last couple of years I’ve become too focused on either The Task At Hand (winding up) or The Fun I Can Have (winding down). In between those extremes is where we find the incidental but important tasks, and if we don’t remind ourselves to slow down a bit then we’ll miss some of the good stuff entirely.

I used to be the guy with the power of perspective. Now that I’m finally shaking off my years-long depression, it’s high time I regained that power. Also? I need to slow down more often. Not to sniff the roses, really. (My sense of smell verges on nonexistent.) Just to give myself permission to “waste time” taking care of myself and the incidentals that often fall through the cracks of a normal day…

A normal life, even a moderately decent life such as I’m enjoying lately, isn’t always the sort of thing you write about much.

I just wanted you to know that I’m still here; life is treating me fairly well, all things considered. I just haven’t had much to say. Nor have I had much in the way of free time during which to assemble coherent material. This is an improvement, mind you, over the last couple of years during which I had plenty to say but no energy or willpower to put words on the screen.

Same results, different causes. I find this amusing.