While I sit here, miserable but slightly better rested in my room at home, I have amused myself (between naps) by catching up on some of my websurfing. Here’s a delightful gem I found at James Randi’s place…

“THE SKEPTIC’S HOROSCOPE for Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius (Jan 1, 2007 – Dec 31, 2007):

“The coming year is likely to present challenges; these trials are when your true character will show. Trusted friends can provide assistance in particularly pressing situations. Make use of the skills you have to compensate for ones you lack. Your reputation in the future depends on your honesty and integrity this year. Monetary investments will prove risky; inform yourself as much as possible. On the positive side, your chances of winning the lottery have never been greater!”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get some more tea and scrounge up some lunch…

One of my coworkers pointed me to this CNN article about Iran test-firing some missiles. Here’s the bit that gave us pause, with my emphasis in italics:

“Iranian experts have made some changes to Shahab-3 missiles installing cluster warheads in them with the capacity to carry 1,400 bombs,” state television said. It did not say whether the unarmed missiles fired were carrying warheads at the time.

“It” probably didn’t need to, did it? The mind, it boggles.

Taken from James Randi’s weekly commentary, the following bit of amusement… if you find this sort of thing funny, which I tend to do. These are the “Top Ten indications that you’re over-obsessed with religion,” and by “religion” I assume Mr. Randi means “Christianity.”

Those with a Bible at hand and a poor sense of humor may want to skip the rest of this entry…

#10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

#9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that humans were created from dirt.

#8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

#7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the male first-born babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” – including women, children, and trees.

#6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods consorting with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

#5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is about a couple of generations old.

#4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs – though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering, and yet you consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

#3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor “speaking in tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” your choice of religions to be the correct one.

#2 – You define .01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers, and consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure was simply the will of God.

#1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but you still call yourself a Christian.

Ah, the joys of a Google Talk account. (Which I utilize via Gaim, the same way I use the instant messaging systems of Yahoo, AIM, LiveJournal, ICQ and… ugh… Microsoft. Yes, I have a “Live Messenger” account now. It’s for work. Yay, or something.)

Of course, an IM system is useless without amusing people to chat with. I don’t have as all-encompassing of a “buddy list” as I used to, but those who remain are some quality folks, I’ll tell the world…

Lyse: Day. Not ending. Need to go. Home!
GreyDuck: I feel your pain.
Lyse: I went to the William Shatner school. Could you tell?
GreyDuck: Your. Command of. The. Technique is. Flawless.
Lyse: Excellent!
[...time passes...]
Lyse: I just realized something a few minutes ago
GreyDuck: I do that all the time.
GreyDuck: A lousy memory will do that to a person, though, since it’s often the same few somethings on infinite loop…
Lyse: Days that I wear a shirt that fits snuggly through the chestal region? Probably not the best time to go talk to some of the guys about racks.
GreyDuck: I beg to differ. I would argue that those days are the best days on which to talk to guys about racks.
Lyse: *raspberry*
GreyDuck: Thank you. Thank you veddy much.
GreyDuck: I, and my dirty mind, will be here all week.
GreyDuck: Please tip your waitstaff. Especially if they have impressive racks.
Lyse: LOL
Lyse: you so silly
GreyDuck: This? Is not news.

The product is called “VMware.” It is, in effect, a server that allows you to host a number of virtual computers on a single machine. The geek value for something like this is through the roof, which makes the following instructions found in the upgrade documentation terribly amusing.

8. Select your mouse.

Here are some helpful mouse identification hints:

• If the connector is round, your mouse is a PS/2 or a Bus mouse.
• If the connector is trapezoidal with nine holes, it is a serial mouse.
• If the connector is a flat rectangle with a slot, it is a USB mouse.

I’ll grant you that their instructions are wholly accurate. However, I question the judgement of the person who thinks (s)he has any business at all installing or upgrading a sophisticated piece of software but doesn’t know how to tell one type of pointing device from another!

Craigslist, usually a treasure trove of job postings, is almost a dry well this week. One of the very few recent entries in the main category I check even turned out to be, let’s say, miscategorized. (”Work from home! Type things for us!” Er, no.)

And then we have what might have looked to be an interesting job opportunity…

Part of the technical support team for a state-wide data communications network connecting WAN to LANs.

Been there, done that. It’s a contract gig, but if that’s what it takes to put food on the table…

The team is responsible for network security, disaster and recovery, video, voice and data communications, protocols, software and hardware products and peripherals…

Neat. Sounds like a well-rounded JOAT kind of gig. Just what I’m looking for!

…that run on all platforms including Mainframe,…

You don’t capitalize that, sir. It’s not a proper name, it’s a generic noun. So what type of platform is it? Inquiring minds jobseekers want to know.

…Microsoft Exchange,…

This is correctly named in the posting, but whether it’s a “platform” is a flamewar discussion best left to people with more idle time than myself.

…Microsoft Windows XP…

Also correctly named, this is only a “platform” at the desktop level. Consider this not so much a boneheaded selection but more as a part of the pattern to be revealed.

…and Microsoft Server 2000.

Aha! I now know their definition of “platform.” It’s “anything with an M at the start of its name.” Problem is, they named this wrong. It’s Windows 2000 Server.

Here’s the thing. If you’re advertising “all platforms,” you might want to include concrete examples of platforms that don’t originate in Redmond, Washington. No UNIX or variants and derivatives are listed, no Mac, nothing but the mysterious “Mainframe”…

Duties: [...] Configure client software, i.e. ODBC drivers, Outlook and Exchange e-mail access, protocols, adapters, and TN3270 host emulation.

…which I suspect is an IBM AS/400 (great merciful heavens, why not just say so?) based on that TN3270 emulation notation. This makes me wonder why they’re not using 5250 instead, though.

Of course I’ll never know, because…

This position requires a valid driver’s license. Travel throughout the state may be required.

In this instance, I think it’s for the best. Don’t you?