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Looking For Quacks In The Pavement

Category: Quotes (page 2 of 15)

A little shadenfreude to brighten my day.

Broadcasters have tentatively agreed to anti-payola settlements that could shake up music playlists at some of the nation’s largest radio chains. Four major broadcast companies would pay the government $12.5 million and provide 8,400 half-hour segments of free airtime for independent record labels and local artists […] the monetary settlement is part of a consent decree between the FCC and Clear Channel Communications Inc., CBS Radio, Entercom Communications Corp. and Citadel Broadcasting Corp.

Oh. Shucky darn. I guess Entercom will have to drop-kick some more of their “overpaid” workers and staff up the sales department some more, eh? If I was a better man I’d probably feel bad about this news on some level, yet somehow I just can’t. Actually, I find it terribly amusing…

(From: Stations agree on anti-payola settlement – Houston Chronicle, by way of Slashdot.)

Happiness Through Quackery

Not that I mind a good quack from time to time, but there are quacks out there who give quacking a bad name. At least they can provide us some amusement on occasion, though…

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil’s show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see which things I have started and hadn’t finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Cardonay, a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of Tim Toms, tha mainder of my Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some cofee an a baxa cholates. Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.

(From: James Randi’s Swift, Feb 23 2007)

How to destroy the Earth

If you’re anything like me, which in this case means “a geeky weirdo with a fascination not only for the physical sciences but also anything which involves what Marvin the Martian once called an Earth-shattering kaboom,” a description which probably applies any number of Mythbusters fans, you might want to read up on how to destroy the Earth.

Here’s a sample quote to whet your appetite.

The Earth is built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you’ve had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

I believe I’ve found my new favorite bedtime reading…

Your Horoscope For 2007

While I sit here, miserable but slightly better rested in my room at home, I have amused myself (between naps) by catching up on some of my websurfing. Here’s a delightful gem I found at James Randi’s place

THE SKEPTIC’S HOROSCOPE for Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius (Jan 1, 2007 – Dec 31, 2007):

“The coming year is likely to present challenges; these trials are when your true character will show. Trusted friends can provide assistance in particularly pressing situations. Make use of the skills you have to compensate for ones you lack. Your reputation in the future depends on your honesty and integrity this year. Monetary investments will prove risky; inform yourself as much as possible. On the positive side, your chances of winning the lottery have never been greater!”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get some more tea and scrounge up some lunch…

I rather doubt that they were.

One of my coworkers pointed me to this CNN article about Iran test-firing some missiles. Here’s the bit that gave us pause, with my emphasis in italics:

“Iranian experts have made some changes to Shahab-3 missiles installing cluster warheads in them with the capacity to carry 1,400 bombs,” state television said. It did not say whether the unarmed missiles fired were carrying warheads at the time.

“It” probably didn’t need to, did it? The mind, it boggles.

Obsessed with Christianity?

Taken from James Randi’s weekly commentary, the following bit of amusement… if you find this sort of thing funny, which I tend to do. These are the “Top Ten indications that you’re over-obsessed with religion,” and by “religion” I assume Mr. Randi means “Christianity.”

Those with a Bible at hand and a poor sense of humor may want to skip the rest of this entry…

#10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

#9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that humans were created from dirt.

#8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

#7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the male first-born babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” – including women, children, and trees.

#6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods consorting with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

#5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is about a couple of generations old.

#4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs – though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering, and yet you consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

#3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor “speaking in tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” your choice of religions to be the correct one.

#2 – You define .01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers, and consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure was simply the will of God.

#1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but you still call yourself a Christian.

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