I know: Just look at the abysmal rate at which I’ve been posting.

Losing the Entercom job hit me really damned hard; I never recovered from that, even most of six years later. It’s more than that, though. Now my day-to-day existence is just getting through the day. Each day is planned out: Mondays, I do this. Tuesdays, I do that. A minimum of 12 hours per 24 on weekdays revolves around getting ready for, going to, being at and going home from work. And at the end of the money, there’s a lot of month left.

On a side note: Once-per-month paychecks are a pain in the ass.

On another side note: Not once getting a cost-of-living increase in over five years really sucks in this economy. (Yes, yes, I have a job, shut up. I know.)

It’s not all bad, mind you. My romantic relationships are stable, even joyful. The kids are awesome. (Like that’s new.) I am gainfully employed, I have enough to pay the bills, etc. Could be worse.

But. I’m not where I wanted to be, financially or otherwise, by this point. I turn 40 in a few weeks and many of the things I thought I’d have accomplished by now are so far out of reach they might as well be on the planet Mars. And from the look of things, nothing good is coming down the pipe for a long while yet… and more unpleasantness is headed my direction even as I compose this posting. (Knowing the type but not the exact scale of this oncoming unpleasantness does not help.)

I don’t even know what I’m “good” at anymore, except occasionally I can make some people laugh. Other than that? No idea. My current job has taught me that no, I’m not really that good at the computer stuff. So… what is it? What do I bring to the table? If I wanted another job, how would I convince anyone to hire me?

Yeah, right.

Most days I don’t feel strong enough, smart enough, or good enough. But, I muddle through. People are counting on me. So I’ll keep at it.

Coincidentally, I also used to deal with acid reflux attacks fairly often. I couldn’t quite figure out why, and eventually they just stopped and I didn’t worry about it much.

Yes. Well. Quarter-past-three this morning I woke up to the nastiest acid reflux I’ve suffered in ages. Oh.

I think that’s it for those French Bread Pizzas, don’t you? Now to stumble through my day on about four hours accumulated sleep…

I dare you to find another photograph featuring a Zentraedi Officer’s Pod, a cast-iron “rubber” duck, and a black LEGO minifig.

Context will arrive in the form of Thursday’s Quacked Panes comic.

I choose here not to excoriate the year we leave behind. Yes, much of it sucked, but regurgitating the reasons won’t help anybody. Instead, I’m focusing on what’s good in my life.

• My loves, who keep me going when nothing else can.
• My children, who make me so proud I can’t even describe it.
• My job, that pays the bills, even if just barely.
• My friends, offline and on, who laugh at my jokes, however terrible they may be.
• My library of books and music, which help me forget the real world for a while.
• My stack of games, which can be played with family and friends to bring amusement to the household.
• My growing collection of ducks, which I use to entertain a couple dozen folks on the Internet every week.

I’ve had a particularly rough time of things lately, hence the lack of writing output. There are plans to improve things somewhat, but I’ve also never been good at making & carrying out plans, so… we’ll see.

Here’s to 2012. May it go better for us all.

This morning, however, I woke up the computer and turned on my Altec Lansing 5.1 speaker array and… HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I unplugged the jacks from the computer, no change. I fiddled with the knobs, turned the speakers off and on, no change. I unplugged the power cord and plugged that back in again and… change.

Now they don’t turn on at all. I guess I’m going shopping later. Le sigh.

Somewhat.

Drip drip drip drip drip drip drip … drip drip drip … drip drip drip drip drip … drip … drip drip drip drip … drip drip drip drip … drip drip … drip drip drip …

It wouldn’t have been a problem had it simply managed to keep the beat steady! Instead… quite the opposite. I had to get up and read for a couple of hours until the dripping stopped. (Which means I’m running on about four, maybe five hours of accumulated sleep today. WHEE.)